You just can’t make this shit up.

According to the Seattle Police Department, a 59-year-old homeowner from Ballard called 911 last night after a drunken 21-year-old intruder mistakenly entered her home around 4 a.m., found his way to the basement, pissed in the corner, and stuck a nearly finished 18-pack of PBR in the washing machine.

Not surprisingly, this caused some concern amongst the family that rightfully occupies the residence. According to police, after entering the home through a back door or window, the wanderer was discovered peeing in the corner of the basement by a family friend. There was an open 18-pack of Pabst Blue Ribbon in the washing machine. The family friend proceed to confront the stranger, dragging him upstairs where police say, “the homeowner and her son pounced on the suspect.”

From there, things got even more interesting. As Jonah Spangenthal-Lee writes on the SPD Blotter blog: “As the suspect struggled with the family friend, the homeowner—who uses a walker—grabbed a piece of ceramic pottery off a table and clocked the burglar over the head. She then called police and told a 911 operator she had armed herself ‘with a brass elephant,’ and was holding the suspect at bay.”

According to police, the 21-year-old suspect told officers he mistakenly thought he’d walked into his own home. He was later transported to Harborview after complaining of ankle pain.

Police point out that the alleged intruder’s 18-pack of PBR had only five unopened cans remaining. Doing the math, Spangenthal-Lee notes, “For those keeping score at home, those 13 missing cans equal about one-and-a-quarter gallons of beer.”

Yep.