Well, we can all rest easier now. Seattle streets, at least for the time being, are free of people who steal Jack LaLanne Power Juicers.

A police report on the incident reveals a strange blend of fact and fiction. Seems the culprit, on the day before Thanksgiving, walked into a QFC on Capitol Hill and made off with the $200 juicer. When an employee tried to stop the man, he pulled out a pair of scissors. He threatened to cut the QFC worker and then, for good measure, made stabbing motions toward his stomach.

At first, the suspect blamed the whole thing on racist grocery store employees, before changing his tune to say he must have been sleepwalking during the incident, according to Seattle Police.

The employee and a manager followed the guy out of the store and watched his hapless attempt to board a Metro bus, all the while holding the scissors, according to the report. He did, however, eventually get onto another bus in the 1000 block of East Republican Street.

According to the report, officers stopped the bus and contacted the suspect, who said the bag containing the juicer had been left behind by “an old lady” and that he had just come from “the old-folks home.”

At last, the suspect changed his story yet again, saying he was high on crack and hadn’t slept in seven days. And then the kicker: While in a holding cell, the man reverted to his orginal alibi, telling cops he must have been sleepwalking during the incident, and proceeded to pretend to fall asleep in the cell while faking snoring noises.

The suspect was booked into King County Jail.

Sources tell the Weekly he’s being considered for an Academy Award in a category yet to be determined.

econklin@seattleweekly.com