Aries (March 21–April 19)

You’d like to think that your past lovers sometimes wake up in the morning and think about you, just like you do them. They probably do, though they’d never admit it. The thing is, when people are done with you, they’re done with you for good, usually. They never forget you, though. Take comfort in that this week, when you’re likely to be haunted by things that might have been and people who are no longer in your life. They may want nothing to do with you, and ultimately what you have to do is let them go. But rest assured that they had to let you go, too—and it wasn’t as easy as they made it out to be.

Taurus (April 20–May 20)

It takes more than just hard work. There’s an element of luck for which there’s no substitute. You can dig and dig and put in as much hard work as you like, but unless you’re lucky enough to stumble upon someone’s buried treasure, all that digging is actually just a waste of time. There’s only so much you can do through sheer will. Part of success is sometimes as simple as being in the right place at the right time. Working hard is your M.O., I know, but don’t be stupid. This week, keep an eye out for the lucky breaks that will make all your labors worthwhile.

Gemini (May 21–June 20)

I once had a boss who was the kind of alcoholic who hated drinking alone, so he always brought plenty of booze to any kind of work get-together, and encouraged people to get quite drunk, even when it meant they would be impaired at work the next day. Beware of this fellow and anyone who’s likely to bring out the worst in you, especially if they put pressure on you to misbehave. It may be hard to turn your nose up at free booze, but steering completely clear is still your best option. Do you have the willpower to exercise it?

Cancer (June 21–July 22)

Don’t be bossy. Most people bristle at being told what to do, no matter how nicely you phrase it, and that tendency is likely to be even more extreme this week. You often know what’s best for others (though frequently not what’s best for yourself), so it’s understandable that you want to steer them in the “right” directions. Please refrain. Issuing even the most well-meant commands or suggestions won’t get the results you hope for; in fact, it’s likely to get people pissed at you on top of whatever other disasters they get themselves into.

Leo (July 23–Aug. 22)

You may like doing the same things over and over. For most Leos, if you enjoy something once, chances are you’ll enjoy it many times, if given the opportunity. But some of the people you associate with are more fickle and changeable than that. For them, repeating the same action is about as exciting as playing fetch with the dog. It’s fun a couple of times and then it becomes insanely boring, even if it’s endless fun for the dog. Recognize that. Hopefully, the people you like are tolerant enough to humor you most of the time—return the favor and humor them by trying something new every chance you get.

Virgo (Aug. 23–Sept. 22)

Just because you spent hours fussing around until everything was just so, exactly the way you wanted it, doesn’t give you the right to be prickly when other people arrive on the scene and mess it up. Haven’t you learned by now? That’s what other people do. They don’t mean to be annoying or spiteful. They just can’t help it. Entropy is other people. Can you accept that, and finally achieve serenity in your companionship and your labors? Or will you continue to be needlessly lonely and pissed when other people show up and screw things up?

Libra (Sept. 23–Oct. 22)

Be open to randomness this week. The most interesting, exciting stuff likely to happen to you right now is the stuff you couldn’t possibly predict, and might let pass you by completely if you’re not careful. If you’re used to giving strangers who approach you the brush-off as a matter of habit, try to suspend that tendency for the moment. Of course, go ahead and give them the brush-off if it turns out they’re full of shit, but giving them a minute won’t hurt you. I’ll wager that for every minute you waste listening to something that wasn’t worth your while, you’ll get 10 minutes that trump anything else you might reasonably like to do.

Scorpio (Oct. 23–Nov. 21)

This week, you might feel like you’re buried up to the neck in the burning desert, with vultures circling overhead, squabbling about who’s going to get first dibs on your juicy eyes. What may surprise you most is how much you had to do with your current situation. You may even have helped dig the hole you’re now occupying, and given tacit permission to those who put you in this dire predicament. Unfortunately, you’ve sort of stripped yourself of a lot of the power required to extricate yourself; there’s simply not much you can do—except, of course, sheepishly holler for help. You’re sure to get it, even if you’re also the butt of a few jokes. Still, that’s better than vultures eating your eyes.

Sagittarius (Nov. 22–Dec. 21)

Since when did your skin become so thin? You’re usually able to have a sense of humor about yourself, and take a little ribbing with good-natured aplomb, but lately you’ve been on the defensive so often that people feel like they’re walking on eggshells around you. Don’t we get enough of that with the Cancers and Pisces? Toughen up, Sag. Remember how great it is to be able to laugh at yourself, and do what you have to do to get back to that place. Hint: It may involve doing something even more foolish and hilarious than anything you’ve ever done, so over-the-top that it leaves you no choice but to admit the joke’s on you.

Capricorn (Dec. 22–Jan. 19)

Given a small patch of ground to plant things in, what will you choose to put into it? Something relatively useless and lackluster but so low-maintenance that you couldn’t possibly screw it up and kill it? Some vegetables that might take a lot of work but could pay off deliciously? Or something neither practical nor easy, but beautiful, like gorgeous but high-maintenance flowers? That’s the kind of decision you’ll make this week, probably without noticing. I suggest you pay attention. There’s no wrong answer here, but what you choose will give you some very valuable information about yourself—information I’m not sure you had before.

Aquarius (Jan. 20–Feb. 18)

My dog is in the garden, sniffing out the chewed-up tennis ball detritus of a previous canine tenant. He’s thrilled to find these disgusting zombie remnants; I’m less so, but I humor him by throwing the slimy things anyway. You have to do that kind of thing for those you love. Had you forgotten that? Recently you’ve turned up your nose at anything that wasn’t perfectly up your alley, completely ignoring how happy it might make someone else. Lately, you’ve reaped the results of that kind of selfishness, and been less than happy with them. There’s an easy solution here, you know. Pick up the slimy dog ball and play along. It’s not that bad, and you’ll ultimately be glad you did.

Pisces (Feb. 19–March 20)

You’re swimming in a murky green pond. It’s so full of messy life that you can’t see more than a foot in any direction, and have no idea what might be lurking beneath your unprotected toes. Normally this situation would fill you with unease or even horror, but I hope this week you can trust me enough to relax and enjoy yourself. There are no sharks down there, of course. There aren’t even snakes or leeches. Actually, what’s hiding beyond your sight are delights and pleasant surprises, believe it or not. All you have to do is relax, enjoy yourself, and wait until they swim up to nibble on your toes.