Virgo (Aug. 23–Sept. 22)

I bet we’d be shocked at what percentage of people have totaled a car at some point in their lives. However, I doubt we’d be that surprised at how few of them were Virgos. Of course, some of you probably have managed to wreck your vehicles, but I’d be willing to bet that percentage is much lower than for those reckless Aries, death-wish Scorpios, or spacey Pisces. However, there are times when the improbable is much more likely to happen—and this is one. Drive especially carefully this week, Virgo.

Libra (Sept. 23–Oct. 22)

Some of the things you do frustrate the people around you no end. Make up your mind already! Of course, it’s not that easy, and I understand that your ability to see all sides makes it very difficult to make clear decisions or choices. However, just for this week, can you cut us all a break? I know it’s impossible to change your nature and start being inflexibly opinionated—but can’t you pretend for a while? Make a choice (arbitrarily if necessary) and just stick to it as though you really can’t see the other side of the coin.

Scorpio (Oct. 23–Nov. 21)

Being fairly obsessive yourself, you know how to handle others’ obsessions. Instead of defusing them, though (you know perfectly well that this bomb, primed to blow, would be rendered harmless if you just snipped the blue wire), you have a propensity to fuel the fire instead, just to see what happens next. Although that’s a fascinating tendency, it’s hardly constructive, and this week it’s ironically likely to distract you from more interesting and positive things. Resist those negative impulses (the kind that compelled you to scorch ants with a magnifying glass when you were a kid), and just cut the blue wire already, so you can see all the cool shit behind the bomb.

Sagittarius (Nov. 22–Dec. 21)

Cast a wide net. Ironically, I’m giving your cousins, those Leos, the same advice for a totally different reason. While they know exactly what they want, it’s so specific they need to search far and wide just to find it. You on the other hand are much more vague and undecided about what you’re looking for. That means you need to try many different things in order to figure it out. There are loads of fish in the sea, and while you may think you’ll know you’ve found the “right one” when you pull it out of the net, you actually probably won’t realize that until you’ve tried a dozen more. Keep tasting. Somewhere down the line, when you miss a certain flavor, you’ll know it’s time to go back and get more.

Capricorn (Dec. 22–Jan. 19)

If you rode your bike across America, chances are you’d arrive on the opposite coast noticeably thinner than when you began. However, you could, if you ate only at greasy truck-stop restaurants and carefully selected the fattiest meals, end up more overweight at the finish line than at the start. This is almost like what you’re doing. Your intentions are good, and would succeed, if you weren’t so busy (consciously or unconsciously) thwarting them with many of your other actions. Get all your impulses in order. Go with your excellent plan, and don’t sabotage it—what, after all, is the point?

Aquarius (Jan. 20–Feb. 18)

I’m a big fan of having and eating cake at the same time, but sometimes that’s just logistically not possible. Imagine a shady, tree-lined yard, perfect for barbecues and a cool haven from the summer sun. It’s also a crappy place to have a garden—which would require you to chop down all those shade-producing trees so your vegetables could get enough sunshine to grow. This is one of those situations; if you want your garden to grow, you simply need to make sure it gets enough of what it needs—which means cutting some other things (that you probably enjoy) out of your life.

Pisces (Feb. 19–March 20)

Although it’s perfectly possible for you to evolve to be direct and clear, Pisces do unfortunately have a tendency toward passive-aggression. Since you’re loath to engage in conflict, you’re more likely to express yourself or advance your agenda in ways too subtle, devious, or tricky for others to really counter. That’s frequently worked for you so far, which is why it’ll be hard to break the habit of being so subtly manipulative. Still, being more open and direct is what you should be aiming for, especially this week, when being passive-aggressive will only lead to exactly the kind of conflict you’re trying to avoid.

Aries (March 21–April 19)

Be in charge of your own evolution. The trap you Rams can fall into is getting involved with people who don’t really appreciate just how wonderful you are. They require you to change in ways that suit them. Being the eager and enthusiastic person you are, you’ll usually attempt to rise to the challenge, and ultimately make yourself miserable by trying to be things you’re just not cut out to be. Screw that. Everyone needs to evolve and become more and better versions of themselves. But you’ll do that best while supported and adored by people who love you just as you are. Find them.

Taurus (April 20–May 20)

There’s a reason you’re called the Bull. Once you get something in your head, you’re obsessively persistent. That’ll get you results much of the time, but in some cases it’s better to take a break and approach something with a fresh perspective and new energy, because you’re just stubbornly banging your head into an immovable obstacle. This is one of those times. Chill out! I don’t know how to get that concept into your thick skull, but it’s important. If you don’t, you could keep on this track forever; since it leads exactly nowhere, that’s hardly a happy ending. Take a break. When you can think of a completely new direction you’d be happy to head in, resume your journey.

Gemini (May 21–June 20)

Being involved with any of the “dual” signs (Libra and Pisces are the others) is tricky at best, but you’re so hard to pin down that it makes life with you both exciting and extremely frustrating for those who love you. In many cases, it’s like trying to forge a relationship with two different people. Being in a couple is hard enough; can you imagine how challenging your lovers find this particular ménage a trois? There’s not much you can do about your dual nature, but there are ways you can simplify things for intimate friends and lovers. This week, find and implement some of those.

Cancer (June 21–July 22)

Cancers suck at casual sex. In fact, it’s hard for you to have a superficial human relationship with anyone; that’s just not the way you’re wired. This, of course, has led to many painful moments for you in the past. I can’t suggest that you stop caring; that won’t work, and it’ll just make you miss out on all the wonderful times that can happen when you manage to forge a heart-to-heart connection. All I can advise is that the pain you experience from time to time comes with the territory; giving a shit is a wonderful thing, and well worth the suffering that comes with it.

Leo (July 23–Aug. 22)

I advised Sagittarians to cast a wide net, simply because they don’t know what they’re really looking for, and will need a large sample in order to figure it out. You, too, need to use the biggest net you can find, for quite the opposite reason: You know exactly what you want. The problem is it’s so specific that you’ll need to search for a long time and in many places to find it. Keep looking. What you need to know as you seek is that while you have some very set ideas in your head, the person who’ll actually fulfill the brief is bound to be surprising in several dramatic ways. You don’t need to give up your dream, but you do need to be open-minded enough to recognize it when it appears in a form you never expected.