This Week’s Horoscopes

Aquarius (Jan. 20–Feb. 18)

Are you a lead singer who sounds like shit without your backup singers? Are you able to shine only by leaning on your friends? It goes without saying that everyone looks better with an entourage, but this week is all about what you can do completely on your own. Of course, flying solo is usually less fun than running with a pack, but this week it should be an interesting and rewarding challenge to see how far you can go and how much you can accomplish without your wingmen and support staff. Show us what you can do.

Pisces (Feb. 19–March 20)

You may simply be approaching this from the wrong angle. You’re trying to whittle a sculpture from wood that would work much better if you were carving a block of ice or marble or clay. How you work with a problem—especially a creative problem—has more to do with arriving at a solution than any “right answer.” Paint a landscape with oils, watercolors, and finger paint, and you’ll end up with three very different paintings, even though the subject matter and artist were identical. This week, don’t understimate how much the right tools, attitude, and perspective will matter when it comes to finding your way through the puzzle you’re in.

Aries (March 21–April 19)

What’s keeping you from greater love? It’s a good week to map out the length, height, and width of the walls keeping you from expanding your emotional horizons; pretending they’re not there isn’t working. It’s better to figure out exactly what shape the barriers are so you can best determine how to tunnel through, climb over, or work around them. No one said the path to where you want to go would be a simple straight line. I can’t tell you the route to more open, encompassing love—but you know that just staying here is the crappiest of options, so this week try something else.

Taurus (April 20–May 20)

A glimmer of light through a cracked eyelid might give you an opportunity to wake up this week, instead of sleepwalking through the situation as you have been. Of course, you could just squeeze your eyes more tightly shut and ignore the merry twinkle trying to rouse you from your blissful ignorance. Sure, your somnambulatory strides through this particular chapter of your life are relatively painless, but they’re also unsatisfying. Waking up would be uncomfortable at best and possibly quite painful, but it’s the only way to get closer to a scenario you can enjoy with your eyes wide open.

Gemini (May 21–June 20)

If your greatest aspiration is for whiter teeth or longer eyelashes, I feel sorry for you. I’d hope that your self-improvement efforts have loftier, more holistic goals. If you want to go the gym to have a hotter body so you can get laid more often, or find love, then so be it. But don’t dream so narrowly. Let it also be about being healthier, happier, and capable of more cool stuff. When defining your ambitions, go deeper than the superficial, and avoid tunnel vision. When your dreams have multiple positive results, you’re much more likely to realize them.

Cancer (June 21–July 22)

You may have learned as much as you can from this particular teacher. That’s OK. Maintaining the dynamic you’ve had indefinitely is kind of unnatural, awkward, and absurd; of course there should be a time for you to move on. That may prove to be now. Redefining relationships can be uncomfortable or even painful; however, it can also be liberating, and potentially take things to new, more interesting levels for both of you. This is a good week for such a redefinition, so if you see one on the horizon, might as well make it happen now.

Leo (July 23–Aug. 22)

The difference between those people who floor the gas pedal between every stoplight and those who take a more reasonable, steadier pace is usually measured in wear and tear on the car, not in a significantly shorter trip time. Usually, slower drivers catch up with faster ones at the next red light. Which approach have you taken? Slow and steady probably won’t win the race in the end, but you’ll still do well, and, most important, enjoy the journey a whole lot more. Don’t make it all about the destination and getting there as fast as you can—since you won’t be able to get there much more quickly in any case, why not take your time and check out the scenery?

Virgo (Aug. 23–Sept. 22)

The more they say you can’t do it, the more determined you should be to prove them wrong. You are exactly as adaptable, flexible, and capable as you believe yourself to be. If you buy, even a little, into others’ beliefs that you’re helpless, locked down, or just too stubborn to change, you will quite easily make it so. Don’t just ignore the naysayers. Mow them down with the sharp blades of your intellect, crush them with your will, bludgeon them with your sheer determination. Make them reluctant to ever doubt you again. Then, don’t doubt yourself.

Libra (Sept. 23–Oct. 22)

Stunning beauty is called that because of its often incapacitating effect: People find themselves speechless, clumsy, and dumb in the face of it. Did you know that you, at least occasionally on your good days, have that power? Did it ever occur to you that that stammering idiot in front of you isn’t actually abysmally stupid or inept, but merely flabbergasted by your loveliness? Instead of scorn, you should feel flattery and, hopefully, a desire to set others at ease around you. This week, take note of the effect you have on others, and do what you must to make it, as much as possible, more positive than negative.

Scorpio (Oct. 23–Nov. 21)

If wishes were horses, even beggars would ride. So goes the old proverb. However, I think a beggar who knew how to wish properly would ride any old time he wanted. Sometimes, fulfilling your desires is as simple as expressing them properly and having them be heard by the right ears. Believe that your wishes can come true—and much sooner and more simply than logic strictly dictates. Then find a way to, if not instantly fulfill them, at least leave the door open to their fulfillment. You never know what might wander through. Even if it’s not exactly the horse you were wishing for, it’s likely to be something nearly as great.

Sagittarius (Nov. 22–Dec. 21)

You may do your best thinking this week outside of the box—that is, in places and at times you’re not used to. Head to a church, a bowling alley, or a seedy motel, or wake up at 4 in the morning just to get some inspiration. Some of your most outstanding ideas will come if you place yourself solidly into unfamiliar contexts. Shy away from your usual haunts in favor of new places and new experiences. They’ll get the pot stirred and the juices flowing, which is precisely what you need this week.

Capricorn (Dec. 22–Jan. 19)

There’s a fairly misguided and slightly delusional movement to raise diaperless babies. Proponents promote this strange practice with the bizarre declaration that many cultures in the world raise their babies without diapers—never seeming to realize that those cultures generally have no access to such conveniences, and when the baby poos on a dirt floor it doesn’t have quite the same impact as when she stains your imported Persian rugs. How realistic are you being about your own goals this week? Have you really thought them through, or will it take a mess on your fanciest carpets before you’ll try something else?