Aquarius (Jan. 20–Feb. 18)
There’s not much point in worrying about meteors hitting the Earth or man-made black holes devouring the universe; these things are utterly out of your hands. The truth is, at least half the things you let keep you up some nights fall into this category. You probably won’t be able to let them all go, but try to cross at least a few off your list. You’ve got plenty of stuff worth worrying about—the shit you could actually do something about. Stop wasting time on crap you can’t control, so you have more energy and attention to devote to the stuff you can.
Pisces (Feb. 19–March 20)
Lacking other means, many animals will communicate to others what they consider “theirs” by urinating on the borders of their territories. You too have a pressing need to clearly demarcate inviolate boundaries. However, please consider more subtle methods than you have in the past. Pissing in the corners might get your point across, but there’s got to be a way that’s even clearer (and less disgusting). However, if that’s what it takes, do it; all I know is that you need to do something new, because whatever you’ve been trying so far just hasn’t worked.
Aries (March 21–April 19)
No one said you couldn’t have your fingers in multiple pots. So why does someone’s simple scrutiny make you feel a little like a kid caught with his hand in the cookie jar? Only you can decide whether you care if this person judges you, or if their judgments are justified. Beware of stark, black-and-white knee-jerk reactions, though. This is a gray area; a subtle, considered response is probably the only one that will bring you both to your happy places. Lashing out will not only make you miserable—it’s also likely to make you deeply regretful, sooner rather than later.
Taurus (April 20–May 20)
When was the last time you stretched your brain and learned something complex and new? I’m not talking about memorizing a bit of trivia; I mean acquiring a totally new skill. I’m betting it’s been too long. Taureans get stuck in ruts (admittedly comfortable ones) much more easily than most signs. You may not even have noticed how rutty your reality has gotten lately. You’ve pretty much gone off the road, and are now navigating the deep drainage ditch alongside it. You probably have a lousy view of the scenery, and virtually no access to turn-offs and detours that might be quite entertaining or enlightening. Luckily, there’s an easy, fascinating, and fun way out of this rut: Make your brain do something completely new.
Gemini (May 21–June 20)
I’m glad you’ve gotten a lot better at articulating your dreams and desires, but you still need to practice actively manifesting them. They’re not going to just get dropped off on your doorstep like unwanted babies, simply waiting for you to take them in and cherish them. Sometimes blessings do come into your life that way, unlooked-for and undreamt before they appear, but in this case, getting what you want will require a bit more effort. I mean, do you want this stuff or not? You’re not going to get it sitting on your ass and pining for it. Get up, get out, and get it.
Cancer (June 21–July 22)
The problem with being over the moon with joy is that it’s a long way down from there. This is why you so rarely let yourself fly so high anymore. I get it. However, the next time you get the chance to be that happy, I hope you fearlessly seize it. You’ve got a parachute and a safety net; you’ll be fine. You’ve spent a long time setting things up just so you could go there. Letting fear keep you from it—especially so unnecessarily (for this is a lot less risky than many things you’ve already done)—would be a damned shame.
Leo (July 23–Aug. 22)
How is it that a task you find impossible one day can prove simple a week, month, or year later? Perhaps it’s the planets coming into alignment, or your conscious or unconscious mind finally coming around to what needs to be done, or just plain luck. Whatever the case, something you thought was a hopeless closed case can and should now be reopened. Instead of marveling at it endlessly, being paralyzed by indecision, or just screwing it up by giving up all over again, try stuff. Experiment, be creative, and generally put yourself out there. I think you’ll be pleasantly surprised by what happens next.
Virgo (Aug. 23–Sept. 22)
That so many people in your life have a hard time taking no for an answer has less to do with their stubbornness and more to do with your unwillingness to refuse them in the first place. Boundary-setting is not your forte, and probably never will be. However, you still need to get better at it. Start practicing this week. The bad and good news is that the first few fences you put up will be the most difficult, seeing as how people have already stepped past their lines and are currently trampling your private gardens. Still, it’s got to be done—kick them out and put up the barbed wire if necessary. After your first three are up, it’ll only get easier from there.
Libra (Sept. 23–Oct. 22)
Confidence may be sexy, but acting like you shit gold or speak with the voice of God won’t impress anyone. You have good reason to be confident, but be realistic about it. Trying too hard or excessively extolling your virtues (no matter how subtly) will have exactly the opposite effect from the one you intend. Yes, your quiet, low-key confidence might mean you get overlooked. But just consider how much more effective it will be if you do get noticed. You’ll look a lot classier than that fellow parading around in the one-man-band getup. This week isn’t about self-promotion. It’s about trusting that what you’ve already done is enough, and being cool with it if it’s not.
Scorpio (Oct. 23–Nov. 21)
Naturally you want someone to appreciate your unique qualities, but when someone fixates on them it can get creepy. You don’t want to feel like just a vehicle for your red hair or large breasts or perfect ass. Therefore, this week feel free to flaunt your assets, but don’t sell them too hard. You’re a package deal, more than the sum of your parts. If you feel as if someone is only into a piece of you, ditch them. While there’s probably no one prepared to appreciate every single aspect of your being, there are many, many people ready to enjoy and celebrate most of who and what you are.
Sagittarius (Nov. 22–Dec. 21)
Let’s not kid ourselves; there’s something insanely compelling about a cute face, a fat wallet, or a royal title. But you shouldn’t be blinded by this kind of thing. Ultimately if you want someone who will actually make you happy, you need to learn to look past these nearly blinding qualities. And if you really think wealth or beauty by themselves will keep you happy, you might want to examine that, too. By themselves they’re ephemeral, superficial, and not particularly fulfilling (having a gorgeous or filthy rich partner isn’t purely the picnic you may think it is). Even if you focus primarily on deeper qualities, you’ll probably be tempted to include cuteness or wealth as integral factors in the equation. In your shoes, however, I’d leave them out.
Capricorn (Dec. 22–Jan. 19)
Skinning cats may be old hat to you, but you still shouldn’t need to be reminded that there’s more than one way to do it. Since even your best tried-and-true methods are likely to yield only adequate results this week, it’s a great time to experiment with new ways to flay felines. Exercise those stiff creative muscles. Just because you spent ages refining your techniques doesn’t mean they’re the best you can do. You can do better! Even if you don’t believe me, this week you should at least give it a good try.
