Scorpio (Oct. 23–Nov. 21)

You’ve heard people say “When it rains, it pours,” but in your case the expression should be “When it rains, it hurricanes.” You don’t do things halfway, do you? Why settle for just pissing off one person when you could anger or aggravate virtually everyone you know? Well, now the damage is done, and you might as well run with it. Having already vexed everyone can be incredibly freeing. There’ll be time for damage control and making amends next week. For now, enjoy the liberation of having already screwed up, and simply do what you want. You’re not likely to make things much worse, so just enjoy yourself.

Sagittarius (Nov. 22–Dec. 21)

When I go through a rough patch or have a bad day or week, I try to simplify a bit. Instead of focusing on my own problems or troubles, I just try to be kind and thoughtful toward those around me. The idea is that just by putting good stuff out there, I’ll not only feel better, but eventually—through oft-circuitous and incredible ways—that kindness will circle back around and make my life a little better too. Refrain from turning inward this week; there’s no point in dwelling on whatever’s going on. Instead, focus your attention and energy on what’s happening around you. You’ll forget your problems, and by the time you get back to focusing on them, you’ll find they’re not as big as they were (or as you thought they were).

Capricorn (Dec. 22–Jan. 19)

Since you’re able to see the next few steps that must be taken, you might as well start preparing for them now. I’m surprised you haven’t yet. Perhaps it’s because you’d been hoping things might go differently. By now it should be obvious which way they’re headed. Pretending otherwise would diverge from optimism and delve into the delusional. Face the reality you can clearly see. This is a good week to set yourself up to survive and thrive in the new situations you’re moving toward. I know you’re too thoughtful and careful not to. Don’t prove me wrong.

Aquarius (Jan. 20–Feb. 18)

Leave a little bitter in your coffee this week. You want to make sure you have something strong to prep your mouth for all the subtle and varied kinds of sweetness coming your way this week. If your palate is already sullied by a cheap over-sugared coffee flavor, you might miss some of them. That’d be a shame. If you’re able to detect and appreciate them, you’re going to be a lot more capable of manifesting them more often. Your life could be a much sweeter place than it is; make sure you’re in a position to notice and enjoy it.

Pisces (Feb. 19–March 20)

Don’t be so quick to jump to negative conclusions this week. That elusive person may not be avoiding your calls; the culprit could be a lost phone, not your supposed lack of appeal. Lately you’ve been rushing to the most depressing assumptions. Why assume the worst, when in all probability the reality is nowhere close to that? I know where you’re coming from with this; you don’t want to get your hopes up and then be disappointed. But anticipating disaster only makes it more likely. Give everyone the benefit of the doubt whenever it seems as if it may make your world a better place; it will.

Aries (March 21–April 19)

Sometimes it takes a bit of trouble or hardship to stir people to action. People start caring more about elections when things aren’t to their liking than they do when everything is just fine. Sometimes it’s your job to light that fire that will get people moving. You’re in a great position to rock the boat that needs rocking and settle the stomachs of those whose ship is already half-sunk. Weirdly, doing one duty will help you do the other. Your motto this week (and every week, really) should be: Disturb the comfortable, comfort the disturbed. Get to it.

Taurus (April 20–May 20)

The other night I dreamt that an irrefutable prophecy had decreed my death by murder, but that if I was willing to embrace the inevitability of my fate (by strapping explosives to my chest), I’d be able to take my murderer with me, thereby saving his potential future victims. Of course doing so was a bit of a no-brainer, as it should be for you this week, when a little sacrifice on your part will save a bunch of other people from some turmoil and heartache. Since what you’re being asked to give up is nowhere near as extreme as your very life, there’s no real excuse (except selfishness) not to do it.

Gemini (May 21–June 20)

A watched pot never boils, right? Well, a lot of things won’t happen if you put too much attention and pressure on them, or at least they won’t happen the way you hope. Sometimes you just have to give the situation a little space and trust and hope for the best. If it doesn’t play out the way you wanted, chances are it wouldn’t have even if you’d watched it like a hawk. At least this way everyone had an easier time of it, and you gave things a chance to unfold ideally in a natural, unforced way. Since that’s the only way it could have happened, realistically, it’s better that you at least gave it that chance, no?

Cancer (June 21–July 22)

Even in our incredibly interconnected world, an ocean is a great divide. It’s not much farther to cross the Atlantic than to cross the U.S., but it somehow feels a lot farther. You could, after all, theoretically walk across the country, but there’s no way you’d get over that ocean without a big machine to carry you. Similarly, the things separating you from where you want to go are also real obstacles, but I’m more concerned about their psychological component. You have ways to feel connected with what’s on the other side of that ocean, even if you can’t realistically get there right this second. Please exercise them.

Leo (July 23–Aug. 22)

When pessimism masquerades as pure realism, it’s difficult to shake off. You get worried that being optimistic under those circumstances amounts to being delusional. That’s not precisely true, though. There’s a bright side to every situation and a light at the end of nearly every tunnel. You can focus on that without losing sight of how perilous or difficult it might be to get there. There’s no need to imagine hope where there is none (and by all means beware of that). However, obsessively focusing on that thread of hope, no matter how slender, is the best way to get to a place where things don’t feel so tenuous.

Virgo (Aug. 23–Sept. 22)

Despite all the ways we have to filter it out, advertising is so pervasive that it invades our consciousness anyway. In fact, like an antibiotic-resistant virus, much of it has become more insidious, and harder to detect and defend against. How much of your perspective is twisted by the influences you can barely see? Rather more of it than you think, I suspect. However, this week is likely to shed a different kind of light on certain powerful forces manipulating you, so that you can finally see them more or less clearly. Once you can perceive them, you can easily shut them out. In the name of your own clear judgment, please do.

Libra (Sept. 23–Oct. 22)

With the economy in such rough shape, I don’t envy President Obama the job he has ahead of him, trying to patch things back up. We have so many fundamental problems impacting the daily lives of virtually every American—like a dearth of jobs or affordable health care—that he’ll be hard-pressed to do anything but just hold things together, let alone make them dramatically better. Yet he must try—as you should too. The odds may be against you, but you have a chance to do some good here. It’s the right thing to do, and—it’s your job, now.