Dear Pet Lady,
I write with some advice for two readers who have written you recently. Hold on to your martini—it’s the poo pup one [The Pet Lady, May 30]. My sister had a beagle that liked to eat its own poo. The vet told her it was a diet problem—the dog needed and was in fact craving charcoal. She fed her a few charcoal snaps every day or so, and the poo pup stopped her nasty habit. Be careful, as too much will dehydrate your beloved doggie.
My other comment is concerning the parakeets—whether Ken needed a new Barbie and how soon, and would he notice it was an imposter [The Pet Lady, June 20]. My experience with my daughter’s cockatiels is that the girl would not take to another boy right away, and she (my daughter, that is) had to bring various suitors around until her female bird would accept one she preferred. Perhaps birds are not ALL birdbrains after all.
Cheers and Pass the Merlot
P.S. You are extremely funny. Do not listen to those naysayers about your continual mention of a martini or two. Maybe they should try a few themselves and loosen up. Or, as I like to say, the day will be just fine after I have a glass of wine.
DEAR C.A.P.T.M.,
The Pet Lady is ever so grateful for both your generous praise and support, and for a solution to that terrible, terrible problem of which she cannot bring herself to speak (but she does not mean intelligent and discriminating lady birds). Suffice it to say, dear readers should consult their Pet Physician prior to giving their very undiscriminating canines any dietary supplements such as charcoal snaps (the Pet Lady envisions miniature briquettes, which for some reason pleases her a great deal but of course would taste dreadful).
Cheers and best to you, C.A.P.T.M.!
The Pet Lady
DEAR, DEAR PET LADY,
For all readers who were “horrified” with my venting [The Pet Lady, June 20], let me reassure you, it was just that. And to Cat Lover in Belltown: I do play with the cat, quite a bit. I also feed him, change his litter, clip his nails, and leave the balcony door open for him during the day so he can get fresh air, amongst other things. You are right about me being selfish, though; that’s why we (my roommate and I) originally agreed not to get a cat. Additionally, C.L.I.B. missed my point about the litter box. I didn’t change it because I was trying to get my roommate to, not to torture the cat. I personally think the cat is adorable and quite the character. (Especially now; things have just gotten better over time.)
But I did want to thank you, Pet Lady. You’re right, it is just furniture, it is ruined, and I have felt suffering far more than that. It just took someone to knock me over the head with a bottle of gin to help me see it.
So, martini in hand, cheers!
Darlene Lovelace
DEAR, DEAR DARLENE LOVELACE,
The Pet Lady is endlessly pleased that you took her words in the spirit in which they were intended and finds your honesty about your shortcomings entirely refreshing. Things do tend to get better with time and a martini, do they not?
Cheers, indeed, Darlene Lovelace, and many thanks to you for the cheering update.
The Pet Lady
To read the Pet Lady archives, including Ms. Lovelace’s venting, go to Jet City at www.seattleweekly.com and click on The Pet Lady. Write to The Pet Lady c/o Seattle Weekly, 1008 Western, Ste. 300, Seattle, WA 98104, or e-mail thepetlady@seattleweekly.com.
