Alright, Pet Lady,
This is pretty annoying. It’s not like it takes that much organization to answer the fucking questions. This isn’t difficult. Your doing it on purpose and its not fair. We work hard to be able to afford this rag and we have earned the right to have our legitimate questions answered. Quit teasing and DO IT.
Dave
Dear David,
The holidays are giving the Pet Lady the vapors. ‘Tis the season and so forth, but the Pet Lady finds this time of year suitable only for staying in bed with a good book (or someone who’s read one). Pets are inevitably problematic at yuletide, as they tangle with the Christmas tree or make off with the turkey or cower in terror during exuberant celebrations. The Pet Lady still remembers when Sophie, the Pet Parents’ Australian shepherd, ate a whole platter of petits fours (including their paper doilies) that were awaiting a holiday tea. The ladies didn’t seem to mind the lack of comestibles to go with the sherry, but the event took a distinct turn for the worse when Sophie vomited the former petits fours copiously about the parlour. As for you, mon fr貥, as the Pet Father always used to say, life isn’t fair, as indicated by your spelling and grammar.
The Pet Lady
Dear P.L.,
I have the problem you mentioned a few weeks ago: My dog just sits there and looks at me. It’s eerie. What to do?
Rattled
Dear Prattled,
If your pet is a shepherd, he is not following so closely on your heels to annoy you or trip you; rather, he is herding you. The forces of nature are strong, and your dog was bred to steer sheep or cattle about; you are the closest approximation. It is pointless to be irritated, and it’s unlikely training will help (it didn’t work with the first Mr. Pet Lady, and he presumably had greater volition than a canine). You might get your pet some pets of its own, a herd of woolly cats perhaps, so that he might nip at their ankles instead. Or just have a nice grog and try to think of your pet’s behavior as reassuring: You are his flock, and he watches over you by day and by night. At least when he is herding you, he is not eating your hors d’oeuvres.
The Pet Lady
Send your pet queries via e-mail to thepetlady@seattleweekly.com or forward a nice bottle of Christmas cheer to: The Pet Lady, c/o Seattle Weekly, 1008 Western, Ste 300, Seattle, WA 98104.
