DEAR PET LADY,

I read your column in the June 14 issue regarding Mike Douglas bird. The reason birds go to the highest part of the cage or perch is to stay away from preditors. I have raised birds in the past and know that with birds in the wild get on high things so they won’t get eaten. It is the same with hand raised birds of any type. It is an instinct all birds are bord with. If I can be of further help in this matter please feel free to get ahold of me.

Sincerely,

Dru LeVeck

DEAR DRU LEVECK,

Thank you so much for weighing in with your expertise and for offering future bird assistance. If the Pet Lady may be of help in the matter of your spelling and punctuation, which rivals that of Mike Douglas, please feel free to “get ahold of” her. Your name is fantastic!

The Pet Lady

DEAR PET LADY,

I will be moving soon to the Seattle area, and would probably be interested in giving a good home to one or two of the ‘displaced’ denizens of Ms. LottaNNNNNNNNN’s calm-eyed, oft-scaly orphanage [see The Pet Lady, June 28]. Please forward my interest in same to the admirable Ms. Wynne.

Thank you, indubitably—

Cynthia Montgomery

DEAR CYNTHIA MONTGOMERY,

The Pet Lady may now be transported to the firmament secure in the knowledge that she has done at least one good thing, besides giving up her seat on a city bus to an actual elderly nun—in Rome, no less. Cynthia Montgomery, you are a superlative human with a fantastic name! Rest assured, your letter will be duly forwarded.

The Pet Lady

DEAR PET LADY,

A year and a half ago I moved away from Seattle, my ex-husband and (at his insistence) our two dogs: Auggie the Bulldog and Cleo the Little-Lab. Since then, he is unable to care for the dogs but doesn’t want them to be split up. They are feisty things, and I love them both but can ill afford to bring them across the country. He wants to get rid of them but doesn’t know what to do. Help!

“Chasms are, like all things vast, inanimate. They will not snatch me in a thousand years; unless, in a lunatic fit of religion, I jump.”—Grendel

Unsigned

DEAR UNKNOWN HUMAN,

Your missive is somewhat inscrutable. If one knew where you were, one might be better able to alert possible pet-carrying readers traveling in your direction as to how they might secure their place in the firmament. Your quote, while a bit alarming (the Pet Lady hopes your dilemma is not such that you are considering hurling yourself into a chasm in a lunatic fit of any variety), is fantastic!

The Pet Lady

Theories about bird behavior? Adoption needs? Lunatic fits? Write to The Pet Lady, c/o Seattle Weekly, 1008 Western, Ste. 300, Seattle, WA 98104, or e-mail thepetlady@seattleweekly.com.