DEAR PET LADY,
My very handsome and lovable kitty Billy is very well mannered. He loves to go for walks with me. I frequently take him to lovely parks and beaches so he isn’t bored on his walks. Recently, I took Billy to a beach in Seattle and was met with angry beachgoers. They told me I had no business walking my cat on a leash on a beach, and they said they were going to report me to the police. I pointed out that the signs say No Dogs but mention nothing about Cats. Am I wrong in bringing Billy to the beach with me?
Billy & Me
DEAR B&M,
Goodness, dear B&M, you would think that persons strolling along one of Seattle’s scenic beaches would have something better to do than become indignant about the walking of a handsome and well-mannered feline named William. Oughtn’t they to be holding hands and gazing at things, or exercising frantically, or just distracted by all that sand? It never fails to astound the Pet Lady, all that sand at the beach—and each grain is so very small! So many of them, all together! Unless of course it is one of those rock-type beaches (which are themselves comprised of an amazing number of rocks).
At any rate, the Pet Secretary has been dispatched to the offices of governance of our fair City to look into this No Dogs but unmentioned Cats signage and the corresponding body of law; unfortunately, the P.S. always takes a suspiciously long time on these particular research expeditions and returns exuding, ever so slightly, the scent of bourbon. In the meantime, the Pet Lady will be happy to send you several of her calling cards so that you may continue walking Bill upon the beach and direct harassers to her rather than the estimable Seattle Police Department, which seems to have its hands full outnumbering peaceful protesters.
Happy, happy days to you and yours, dear Me!
The Pet Lady
DEAR PET LADY,
My cat sounds like she has a frog in her throat, but is acting normal otherwise.
Steve
DEAR STEVE,
The Pet Secretary was alarmed by your extremely terse letter, and placed it atop the pile on the highboy immediately. Unless your cat has been enjoying a lot of gin and smoking unfiltered cigarettes, the Pet Lady is alarmed as well; as with humans, fur friends do not become hoarse for no reason, and yours may be falling ill. The P.L. insists you consult a Pet Physician straightaway with regards to the frog within your cat. Holiday cheers and best to all three of you!
The Pet Lady
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