DEAR PET LADY,
I have a problem with Olive, my 4-year-old Labrador retriever. She has recently started eating our couch. Yes, eating is the appropriate word. She tears through the upholstery and ingests the foam. I would like to break her of this bad (bad for our furniture and especially bad for her health) habit. The problem is that she never bothers the couch when we are at home. It is only when we are gone to work that she wreaks havoc on the living room. My question is this: How do I get her to stop eating the couch?
We have tried crating her, and it was a whole different fiasco. She would tear to shreds anything inside or near the crate. Towels, blankets, toys all suffered the same fate. She also throws herself back and forth against the sides of the crate (we watched from a window) and works herself into a panic. She salivates and sheds excessively when crated (imagine pools of saliva and piles of fur). We finally had to stop because we were afraid that she would hurt herself. Other training tactics work well when we are around, but she seems to think that the rules don’t apply when we aren’t home. She had been pretty good until the recent couch incidents began. Any advice?
Jennifer
DEAR JENNIFER,
Last week, if the Pet Lady recalls, a letter from a certain “Jenn,” and now this. Peculiar.
The Pet Lady is not afraid to say when a problem extends beyond the bounds of her considerable expertise, and this, indeed, is one of those times. “Bothering the couch” seems a bit of an understatement, and the Pet Lady would rather not “imagine pools of saliva and piles of fur”; the mere mention of such a thing causes the Pet Lady to wish to immerse herself in a very dry vodka martini (with one olive). Meanwhile, your dear Olive needs more help than even a vodka martini can provide. Some things to consider as you hurry to your telephone to call a pet doctor: Has Olive undergone some sort of trauma coincident with the recent onset of couch molestation? Any changes in environment? New beau or baby or other bald person lurking around? Dogs unused to the bald are quite undone when introduced to them.
You might discuss with your pet physician the wisdom of administering some sort of doggie-calming tincture whilst you get the “couch incidents” under control. Also, Olive might benefit from having her own pet friend, which would at least give her something else to chew on. Or perhaps a bossy, vocal bird to emulate you saying, “No! Olive! Cease bothering the couch!”?
The Pet Lady empathizes with your distress, dear Jennifer, and is now quite concerned about your episodically omnivorous if not flat-out crazy pet (it sounds as if any concern for the couch is irrelevant at this juncture). Please do send a note about your progress.
Best of luck to you, Olive, and all your furniture,
The Pet Lady
Send your pet query and depiction to The Pet Lady, c/o Seattle Weekly, 1008 Western, Ste. 300, Seattle, WA 98104, or e-mail thepetlady@seattleweekly.com.
