Sweet readers, you may recall the dilemma of dear Keith and his bloodthirsty cat Minew [The Pet Lady, Feb. 21]; Minew had been belled, but her great stealth foiled this measure, and the killings of the feathered friends continued unabated, coating the interior of the Keith home with feathers and disturbing his lovely wife. The Pet Lady could only prescribe a martini (as is so often the case), have one herself (again, indeed), and extend the other non-martini-holding, helpless hand beseechingly to you, sweet readers. Little did the P.L. know she was unleashing a firestorm of mail from a contingent heretofore unknown to her, but a vehement contingent indeed: Those Who Believe Cats Should Be Kept and Only Kept Indoors. The most extreme of their scoldings follows:

DEAR PET LADY,

Anyone who is not wise or kind enough to keep their cat inside is a killer themself. Cats who go outside are killers, and the people who own them have this blood on their hands. Cats who go outside get run over by cars. They could get eaten by other animals. It could happen. If you love your cats, keep them inside.

Inside Cats Only

The Pet Lady senses it would be unwise to embroil herself in this debate—though she must say, having often witnessed the pleasing sight of the cat friends creeping through the grass in the very clear belief that they are full-size lions stalking their prey, and also having lost a very special and soft cat friend to the indifferent tires of an automobile, her ambivalence on this issue is substantial. Another reader writes with a different, gentler (if somewhat inscrutable) perspective:

DEAR PET LADY,

We love you, P.L.—you have such understanding & compassion for the animals, they need someone on their side, Bless You.

There’s more than one way to skin a cat—& to outsmart a cat: Use more bells. Any cat can walk softly so her bell doesn’t ring, even if it’s a big cowbell, but they can’t walk softly enough to stifle a string of bells—use @ least 3, maybe 4. Install them using fine picture wire or dental floss.

To me, there’s no finer sight in the morning than a few dead rats littering the lawn.

Keith should understand Minew loves him & brings him the only gift she can. They will be glad enough of Minew’s help when the aliens invade and the cats protect them.

It’s wonderful to hear from real bramacharis—I assume these people do not eat eggs produced in warehouses where the hens die of exhaustion because the “farmers” never turn off the lights, nor eat chickens that grow in crates & never have the chance to walk around, or pigs or bison or cattle. Let she who is without sin cast the first stone. (If it’s hard to clean up the blood, cold water, a terry washrag, & Citra Solve is the ticket.)

Cheers,

Deirdre Petree,

Vashon Island Pet Protectors Cat Coordinator

And the Pet Lady loves you (and all the dear readers) in return, dear Deirdre, but is a bit alarmed about the impending aliens. What may one do to prepare besides surrounding oneself with felines? Please do advise.

Best to all and cheers,

The Pet Lady

Pet and/or aliens problem? Send photos and letters to The Pet Lady, c/o Seattle Weekly, 1008 Western, Ste. 300, Seattle, WA 98104, or e-mail thepetlady@seattleweekly.com.