THEN: Romantic weekend getaways in Vancouver, Canada.

NOW: Afternoon trysts at Vancouver, Wash., Motel 6.

THEN: Fresh cases of beaujolais nouveau from Pete’s Market.

NOW: Chilean box wine from Costco.

THEN: Starting off the children at Lakeside in the fifth grade.

NOW: Put up kids for involuntary adoption before they hit college age.

THEN: Top-of-the-line Wolf ranges.

NOW: Hunt on the range to feed family.

THEN: Washington Athletic Club.

NOW: Jack LaLanne videos from public library.

THEN: Spending sprees at Pacific Place.

NOW: “Family vacations” to North Bend Outlet Mall.

THEN: Cosmetic teeth whitening.

NOW: Convert all assets to gold; wear safely in mouth, Nelly-style.

THEN: Commuting to work in BMW X5 (15 mpg, city).

NOW: Cling to Metro bus bike racks.

THEN: Cigar lounge at El Gaucho.

NOW: Redeem Newport coupons.

THEN: Creating exotic Japanese-style Zen garden behind your Madrona craftsman.

NOW: License wildcatters to build oil derrick in backyard.

THEN: Five-course meal at the Herbfarm.

NOW: Bottomless fries at Red Robin.

THEN: Keeping up with new DVD releases.

NOW: Refresh stale titles by watching with alternate language tracks.

THEN: Expensively remodeling Ravenna trophy home.

NOW: Repurpose home for cottage industries—e.g., ostrich farm, puppy mill, or having the children sew soccer-ball covers on a cost-competitive level with Pakistan. (“No TV until you meet your daily quota!”)

THEN: Copper River salmon.

NOW: Three-eyed Commencement Bay sea bass.

THEN: A comprehensive citywide monorail system.

NOW: $5 monorail snow globes for every citizen!

THEN: Porn on digital cable.

NOW: Neighborhood voyeurism.

THEN: Treating that special someone to expensive dates at Cascadia.

NOW: Graze the toothpick trays at Safeway.

THEN: A day of indulgence at Ummelina.

NOW: Tub’s.

THEN: American Express “Black Card.”

NOW: $5 maximum ATM withdrawals.

THEN: Patagonia Critical Mass bike messenger bag.

NOW: Sturdy plastic reinforced-handle Bartell shopping bag.

THEN: Grain-fed free-range chicken.

NOW: Chicken coop in garage.

THEN: Dropping pocket change in Tully’s tip jar.

NOW: Coinstar.

THEN: Wednesday morning tee-offs at Sahalee.

NOW: Putt-putt at the Fun Forest.

THEN: Subscribing to premium cable, The New York Times, Art & Antiques, and Architectural Digest.

NOW: Regularly snatch next-door neighbor’s P-I.

THEN: Fingering the earth at community P-Patch.

NOW: Rip up back lawn for subsistence potato farming.

bmiller@seattleweekly.com