Dear Pet Lady,
My dog Cosmo hates to be picked up. Whenever I pick him up, he goes all stiff and gets this look on his face like he’s about to be run through a cheese grater. I know that picking him up doesn’t hurt him physically. But what about emotionally? Is he reliving some trauma his previous owners inflicted on him? Should he see a therapist?
Will Dean
P.S. I don’t pick him up very often.
Dear Jimmy Dean,
My, my, Mr. Dean, that is curious, isn’t it? The Pet Family once had a wirehaired terrier and/or terror named Grendel by the poetic Pet Mother. Grendel was the very model of an overexcitable small dog; she barked incessantly for a period of approximately nine years, finally trying the indulgent neighbors’ patience to the point of sufficient anonymous complaints being lodged with the City Dept. of Pets for Grendel to be issued a barking ticket.
The Pet Mother took the shamed Grendie (as she was called) to her ancestral home in England’s Lake District, where she barked at woolly sheep, fells, pub owners, the eponymous Lakes, etc., and rambled hyperactively to her heart’s content. Unfortunately the Pet Lady hears rambling is verboten nowadays, what with the tooth-and-mouth disease afoot in jolly old Angleterre, so this cheering option is not available to your Cosmonaut. It seems not picking him up may be your best course of action. Do pet him liberally, however, as he is clearly upset about something—some thoughts do lie too deep for tears and/or barking, and petting is the best therapy. On that note, the Pet Lady will have a touch more gin; pardon her.
The Pet Lady
Beloved Pet Lady,
I (very gently) touched a bird who came to my bird feeder. I want to do it again. Is it all right? I can’t resist.
Redbeard, Calif.
Dear Mr. Calif.,
I think you will find that if indeed, as you report, you touched gently and there was mutual consent, it is unlikely the bird will press charges. You seem to have a certain way about you. Happy touching.
The Pet Lady
Make your pet a star like Cosmo! Send photos and questions to thepetlady@seattleweekly.com or The Pet Lady, c/o Seattle Weekly, 1008 Western, Ste 300, Seattle, WA 98104.
