Dear Dategirl,
My girlfriend has always been fairly neurotic, but since we had a child, the crazy is making me nuts. Her pregnancy was fairly smooth, but she could never relax and enjoy it. She was certain she was going to miscarry or the baby would be born with multiple defects. He emerged perfectly healthy. For a while I worried she had Munchausen syndrome by proxy, because she constantly fussed over our son’s health, even though he’s a strong, healthy kid. She was on antidepressants for a while and things calmed down, but she recently stopped taking them and is worse than ever. Her latest obsession is his sexuality: She’s certain he’s gay. He’s 6 years old!
We have many gay friends—she even has a gay brother whom she’s very close to, so it’s not homophobia. She’s worried that our son is going to get bullied and maybe wind up killing himself like that poor New Jersey college kid. She’s constantly looking up suicide statistics, and has watched all those “It Gets Better” videos multiple times.
I repeat, he’s 6 YEARS OLD. I have no idea if he’s going to turn out to be gay or straight, but as far as I know, he’s never had any problems with other kids. I don’t know what to do.
—Flummoxed Father
You do realize that there’s something terribly wrong with your baby mama, don’t you? I’m not a mental-health professional, so I don’t know the diagnostic terminology, but to put it in plain old English, your girlfriend is a loon. Sorry. You’re obviously not well-versed in the DSM-IV either, or you would’ve grabbed that possibly gay kid of yours and run for the hills.
You need to have a serious talk with the nut you impregnated, and march her right back to her psychiatrist. If she doesn’t have one, find one. If she balks, your next stop is a lawyer’s office.
Assuming she’s not too far gone to agree to your terms, while you’re at the shrink’s office—yes, you should stay for the visit—tell her doctor what’s going on, because she may not be being completely honest. This woman needs serious help before she seriously fucks up your kid. She’s gone from suspecting your child might be gay to freaking out over his suicide like it’s a done deal. The woman is obviously in need of medication(s), and it may not be safe to leave her alone with your child.
And while gay youth definitely have higher suicide rates, kids can be bloodthirsty little brutes and not exactly particular about whom they bully. Preteen girls have killed themselves over slut-shaming. I used to get abused because I had funny hair and weird taste in music; a good friend of mine grew up having pennies thrown at him because he was Jewish; and a little kid in Harlem just hung himself after years of being tormented over his height. So even if your kid turns out to be straight, it doesn’t mean his life is necessarily going to be a walk in the park. What your child needs is sane parenting, and right now he’s not getting that. Good luck.
