When the Chicago Cubs sent bridge-burning malcontent Milton Bradley to the Mariners for sad lump-of-clay Carlos Silva last Friday, it was more than a pair of new beginnings for two much-maligned baseball players. It was also a chance for writers, both paid and not, to come up with really colorful ways of describing the swap. To wit:

Jon Greenberg, ESPNChicago.com: “This was a baseball white-elephant party. My trash for your garbage. Your abdominal pain for my headache.”

Phil Rogers, Chicago Tribune: “It’s a trade of one of the worst Cubs ever for the best batting-practice pitcher in the game.”

Steve Kelley, The Seattle Times: “It was an Advil deal. It was like trading a root canal for a punch in the mouth.”

Dylan Wilbanks, University of Washington Web developer and Mariners fan, on his Twitter feed: “Trading a clubhouse cancer for a productive clubhouse cancer? Hells yeah.”

Mike Seely, Seattle Weekly: “Isn’t trading Carlos Silva for Milton Bradley a little like trading herpes for gonorrhea?”

And finally, some dude who goes by the handle “dangerine” (on a musician’s message board, of all places) with the most concise explanation possible: “Dog shit for cat shit, essentially.”

The excitement. It’s palpable.