Matt Driscoll,

staff writer

Mariners 2014 record: 82-80

There’s something in the air in Seattle. Or the water. As the Seahawks taught us, Seattle isn’t a loser anymore. We’re winners! The tide has turned, at long last! Rejoice! When it comes to the Mariners, that should translate into a record two games over .500, and maybe even meaningful baseball in August. Dream big, people. Anything’s possible. Refuse to Lose.

Gwendolyn Elliott,

entertainment editor

Mariners 2014 record: 56-106

I don’t know much about baseball, but I do know about food and booze—two things Safeco Field does right, albeit at a premium. Win or lose, if I’m going to watch the M’s, I’m doing it on a full stomach, with a Field Roast frankfurter, a pile of garlic fries, and a few shots of El Zacatecano tequila from Edgar’s Cantina. Based on the amount I’ll consume at the two games I’ll likely attend this year, with an average of 50 fries per order, that’s 100 fries, two dogs, and around four drinks. My prediction: 106 losses, 56 wins.

Peter Muller,

account executive

Mariners 2014 record: 6-5-151

I think there will be a lot of ties this year. Some wins, some losses . . . but mostly just ties.

Seth Kolloen,

Sportsball

columnist

Mariners 2014 record: 73-0*

The Mariners begin the season on an extremely suspicious 73-game winning streak. After win 73, investigators announce that all Mariner players have been ingesting a special concoction of Douglas fir needles and salmon roe called “Squatch Juice,” commissioned from Tom Douglas by a Mariners’ executive team desperate to win. MLB disqualifies the Mariners for the season, declares all wins forfeited, and moves the team to Sacramento.

Mark Baumgarten,

editor-in-chief

Mariners 2014 record: 93-69 (wild-card berth)

The Mariners will surprise when both the A’s and Rangers falter from injuries and overconfidence. Unfortunately, the Mariners will lose the wild-card playoff game to the Kansas City Royals after Jesus Montero—called up from AAA late in the season after Corey Hart finally admits that, yes, his knees do in fact hurt and that he’s “just gonna keep sitting right here and watch the game, OK?”—trips on his way to first base, earning the third out on what would otherwise have been a game-tying RBI in the bottom of the ninth. Way to go, Jesus. E

For all the Seattle Weekly staff predictions, go to seattleweekly.com.