Best legal advice

The Weekly gave horrible legal advice in the July 20 issue at page 66 [“Best place to get mugged“] when it advised persons “who really need to buy crack [at Denny Regrade Park], pull the car up nice and slow on Bell Street, wave one of the crack-heads over, and do the deal from the safety of your slowly rolling vehicle.” This might keep the purchaser from getting mugged, but there are other consequences of a rolling purchase.

Aside from the obvious that possession of cocaine is felony offense, kiss your driver’s license goodbye. Upon receiving record of a felony conviction in the commission of which a motor vehicle is used, the Department of Licensing “shall forthwith revoke the license of any driver for the period of one calendar year,” RCW 46.20.285(4).

Rolling purchases are not a good idea. Should the police see someone associating with a dealer, they may possess a basis to stop the car and investigate. Investigation often leads to arrest. Should the police sell you drugs, arrest is a certainty. If arrested and charged, a Rolling Purchaser faces jail, fines, probation, the loss of a license for a year, and don’t forget the attorney’s fees.

All this for a little white rock and a few minutes of euphoria.

MARK B. TACKITT

SEATTLE

Best ape identifier

For the record: No “Best Family Outing” [7/20] to Woodland Park worth its monkey chow is a good one when you leave the Siamang exhibit dazed and confused. I might be able to forgive the anthropomorphism of your account even though I am not so sure as you are that Woodland Park Zoo is the land that race, class, age, and gender forgot. Yet I must draw the line at a glaring mistake held in the glorious ode to animals in cages. Siamangs are apes, not monkeys. As I tell all of my Intro to Anthro students, one of the true ways to distinguish among bipedal primates in today’s postmodern, postgendered, post-cold war world is knowing the difference between apes and monkeys.

JACALYN HARDEN

VIA E-MAIL

Best sports-related vitriol

Jim Caple best sportswriter [7/20]? I don’t know what columns you’ve been reading, but from what I can tell, the guy doesn’t know squat about baseball. I’ve been turned off to him ever since I read his decree in an article about boxscores that “no one cares about defense anymore.” As the season progressed and I was subjected to his inane “power rankings” lists, the hate for this sub-hack became so strong I could taste it. Now I only read The Seattle Times sports just so I don’t have to accidentally run across more of his failed attempts at wit. If the P-I wises up and dumps his sorry butt, then I’ll start buying their paper again during baseball season.

TED COGSWELL

SEATTLE

Best nude beach in Florida

OK, OK, so I didn’t get my ballot in on time, but thanks for setting us straight on all our faves [Best of Seattle, 7/20]. As for the Best Nude Beach category—Haulover Beach! So what if it’s in Dade County, Florida? It’s sunny and warm and [chock full of the] friendliest people you’ll meet at any beach, anywhere. Wreck Beach up in Vancouver, BC, is good for those sunny days of summer. Closer to home are the clubs, Lake Bronson above Start Up in Snohomish county rates well. And as for skinny dipping in the Fremont Ship Canal—ya gatta be kidding! Where do you think those geese hang out on nice summer nights.

PAUL RERUCHA

VIA E-MAIL

Best inscrutable nitpicking

Oops! If QFC has the best check-out lines (“Best of Seattle 2000,” 7/20) and Safeway and Thriftway are tied for second, then Larry’s Markets would be ranked FOURTH (there would be no third as you state). Also, “Larry’s Markets” is plural, not singular as printed. Finally, QFC has the longest and slowest check-out lines on the planet; I would rank them last, not first.

SEAN KEATTS

SEATTLE

Best Lord’s Servant

Dear Great Ones: The only complaint that I can think of would be the extraordinary lack of respect for (or for that matter agnolagment [sic] of) the One and only Creator of the entire known universe and everything in it [re: Best of Seattle, 7/20?]. We, as a race, have wrongly convinced ourselves (and our children) that everything in existence today is a direct result of only humans. Let’s give credit where it is truly due!

B.C. PARKS

LORD’S SERVANT

Best wine whine

With the strange, and even stupid categories [Best of, 7/20], Seattle Weekly didn’t have a category for “Best wine shop” or “Best wine selection.” I would think that would be a pretty important category, don’t you?

SEAN

VIA E-MAIL

Best Slade slayer?

Your consistently negative coverage of Democratic US Senate candidate Maria Cantwell [“Best political race,” 7/20) misses the point completely: Cantwell is best positioned to defeat Slade Gorton precisely because she 1) has a progressive, eight-year legislative record, 2) has had experience in the private sector, and 3) has the resources to hold Gorton accountable. Insurance Commissioner Deborah Senn, on the other hand, has never voted on legislation, has a campaign mired in ethical and campaign finance violations, and her office is under siege for being ineffective as insurance rates soar and coverage disappears.

An unfortunate fact is that campaigns are expensive. And yes, reaching a mass audience necessitates spending a lot of money on 30-second TV ads. But TV does not preclude building a grassroots campaign, which Cantwell has done, visiting all 39 counties in the state, earning the endorsement of dozens of labor and party groups, and securing support from a majority of elected Democrats around the state.

If the Weekly yearns for the ideological purity of underfunded underdogs like Ron Sims who fight the good fight but lose, so be it. As for me, I want to see Gorton lose, not his challenger. Maria Cantwell is the only Democrat with a pro-choice, pro-environment, and pro-labor record, as well as the organization and—yes—the money to get the job done.

CHRISTY HALVORSON

SEATTLE

It is our sincere hope that one or two non-animal rights activists might write in about this issue. Could it be you? Letters may be edited. Please include name, location, and telephone number. Write to Letters Editor, Seattle Weekly, 1008 Western Avenue, Suite 300, Seattle, WA 98104; fax to 206-467-4377; or e-mail to letters@seattleweekly.com