According to Michelle Kwan’s father, the 17-year-old skater has held off on boys all her young life, so that she could focus on—what else?—skating, unlike the rest of the lusty teenage female population who do not compete in the Olympics. A lot of good that did. Everyone else had noticed that Michelle’s hormones had burst, just like the butt cheeks that popped out of her spandex suit during the big games. Oh, c’mon, don’t get mad at me for blemishing her Snow White Newsweek-cover-girl image—you know what a babe Kwan is. And you know that the figure skating competition is part beauty contest. And so many people were so sure that Kwan would win the gold. So what a shocker it was when ugly duckling Tara Lipinski got it instead! Now that the Olympic press hoopla is over, the real juicy stories are yet to unfold. What’s the silver medalist gonna do now? Will she face a lifetime of second-class status? Be shunned by the Gold Medalists club? Be ignored by respectable companies like Coca-Cola and McDonald’s, and forced to accept endorsements from embarrassing products (like Cathy Rigby, a.k.a. the Stayfree Maxipad lady)? And most importantly, will she ever get a date with her reported heartthrob, movie stud Leonardo DiCaprio, or will she have to settle for some B-grade actor like Jason Priestly (Brandon) of 90210?

I’m hopeful. Kwan’s a fighter. Whether or not she competes and wins the Olympics in the future, she’s sure to make a splash in other areas of her life. But no way is she gonna follow Daddy Kwan’s no-boys policy now. Perhaps in a few years we’ll get the second installment of Kwan’s autobiography, “Heart of a Champion: the Pillow Pages.” I can see it now: This girl’s used to being judged for her performances. In bed, she may try to outdo everyone, with some terrific, complicated maneuvers, like—gasp!–a triple lutz combination double toe loop—done, like always, with grace, beauty, and elegance. (Careful, Michelle, you may break more than a toe in those games.)

Sex columnist Cherry Wong can be reached at cherry@seattleweekly.com