Aren’t you tired of hearing the term “14-year-old boy”? Why doesn’t the media give the precocious kid a name—something sexy, like Derek Stallone or Woody Hurt? Whoever he is, Derek/Woody must have a really big head right now—and I mean the one upstairs. Imagine, having your squeeze, facing seven years in prison, tell Oprah “it was worth it” to be screwing you in some crappy little car. Gawd, gag me with a spoon. Now, Woody’s gonna grow up thinking he’s some sex god. LeTourneau deserves to go into the slammer just for making that dumb comment. Besides, she needs a haircut, bad.—Cherry Wong