Every year, we’re surprised and bedeviled by unexpected answers to our straightforward questions. Part of the fun of ballot counting—for us, anyway—is combing through your quips and flippancies, reveling in your cleverness, and marveling at how many of you are just plain depraved. Here are some of your most colorful responses to this year’s survey, followed by an extended collection of the best new things you discovered in the last year.

Best Local Conservative: “Knute Berger.”

Best-Run Campaign (SO Far): “Fahrenheit 9/11.“

Best Way to Improve KCTS: “They should stop talking so slowly.”

Best Way to Improve the Mariners: “Fire, and lots of it.”

Best Way to Avoid Being Outsourced: “Learn to enjoy sex with strangers.”

Best TV News Reporter: “They all look like Devo.”

Best Thing That’s Changed in Seattle in the Last Year: “They stopped gassing geese.”

Best Place to Get Adult Videos: “Online, with shame, in private, as God intended.”

Best Nonvegetarian Restaurant for Vegetarians: “Ruth’s Chris Steakhouse.”

Best Place to Pick Someone Up: “Anatomically?”

Best Thing to Do With Kids: “Wade’s Shooting Range.”

Best Splurge: “Adopting a leg of pork to get in with the Batali family [at Salumi] for dinner.”

Best Walk: “Home from a one-night stand.”

Best New Thing You Discovered in Seattle in the Last Year:

“That only seven people voted for Dubya in my precinct in 2000.”

“91.7 FM—KEXP’s new frequency.”

“Fuzzy Buddies Doggie Daycare.”

“Pooper Trooper! A professional Pooper Scooper (www.poopertrooper.net).”

“Shinka Tea Co. on the Ave: BEST Bubble Tea (REAL tea vs. powder!).”

“Agua Verde’s salsa bar has 1-pound ‘to go’ containers.”

“Bike Salvage swap meet in Ballard.”

“Humility.”

“Kickball league play.”

“There is life far away from Seattle, mildew mecca of the world!”

“It’s as great to live here as visit here, a rarity.”

“More young hotties moving to town than ever before.”

“A home in our price range (total shock).”

“Victrola is now selling their [coffee] beans.”

“This frickin’ poll is now online.”

SEATTLE WEEKLY‘S BEST OF SEATTLE 2004 INDEX