For some damn reason, it seems like the last few women I’ve been involved with had messed-up childhoods and had varying degrees of related daddy issues. Mostly this has led to them having abandonment issues, but there’s other baggage in there as well.
Obviously, holding out for some kind of perfect childhood is a pipe dream, and we all have some parental bullshit knocking around, but how much is too much? In your opinion, what are the danger signs of out-of-control daddy issues in women?
Matt
Ah, the “Please take care of me” girls . . . the bane of every sane independent woman’s existence. I know them well. Hell, I’m even related to one. This breed really chaps the Dategirl ass. For one thing, they’re usually baby-talkers. I knew one who used to answer most questionsin a Shirley Temple voicewith an exuberant “‘Cos I’m a girl!”
These broads generally don’t like other womenprobably because most other women want to slap them. On the rare occasion that they do make a female friend, they’ll ditch her if a man (any man) comes within 10 feet of them. They’re crazy, needy, and annoying. You guys all complain about them, but oddly enough, these dames are rarely single for long. You’ll swear up and down that you want to go out with someone who can wipe their own ass and isn’t always in crisis mode, but you know what? You don’t. I could go on and grind my own ax about these Excruciating Women and the Men Who Love Them, but I won’t. (P.S.: I had a boyfriend dump me for the “‘Cos I’m a girl” girl. How humiliating is that? He’s dead now. Completely unrelated.)
Instead, I’ve assembled a panel of my lovely male friends, all of whom know a thing or three about dating the insane. Here’s what they had to say.
Zack (28, poet/musician): Maybe he’s dating women with daddy issues, or maybe he’s just dating women. [Confidential to Zack: Ouch!]
Chris (35, reporter/hottie): The daddy-desperate women I’ve dated tended to be indecisive. This was true even of women who seemed very feminist otherwise. They’ve also wanted the same thing in bedto be the submissive object of an older man’s desire. A common request has been role-playing where they are a teenage girl surprised and taken forcefully by an older mansay a professor or the father of a friend. They like dialogue that makes it clear that the man is older and forcing himself on them, to their bewilderment but also, ultimately, their delight. One even asked me to tell her she’d been a “bad girl” while I was fucking her in the ass.
Michael (40, writer): I try to get the love-or-hate-parents thing out of a chick on the first date. If you really like a girl who hates her father, it’s more than likely that she will resent your drinking, smoking, etc. . . . anything that might remind her of Daddy.
Lou (28, crime scene investigator): These are the women who, if they feel like they’re not getting full attention, freak out. They need all men to like them. It’s like how you feel when you’re young and want men to like you, but it never goes away.
Andrew (35, writer): Being seriously eager to please can definitely be a sign of daddy issues. Most of the women I’ve dated who had such issues expressed them that way. (The upside was getting pampered and treated ridiculously well by the woman in question.)
Several of my buddies agreed that another warning sign is a woman who consistently goes out with much older men. All my boys really came through for me this week, but the special Dategirl Gold Star goes to my buddy Rich for his answer:
This guy needs to (1) realize he can’t get pussy from capitalizing on people’s daddy issues and then complain about it; (2) start dating girls who are over the age of 19 and don’t want a daddy; (3) hand out a questionnaire asking specific questions like “Did your daddy leave you/bite you/ ignore you, and is that why you’re sucking my dick?”; and (4) realize that perfect childhoods are boring and lead to people growing up to be good little Christians.
Got issues? Write Dategirl at dategirl@seattleweekly.com or c/o Seattle Weekly, 1008 Western Ave., Ste. 300, Seattle, WA 98104.
