The Seattle vs. Portland debate is one that never gets old, and is a constant source of regional insecurities. When Portlandia’s Carrie Brownstein offered up her explanation of the difference between Portland and, well, everywhere else, she opened the wound back up. Two of the comments from “Lothar,” in particular, struck a chord with me. Think peanut butter. Seattle is corporate creamy and smooth (think Jif), while Portland is super chunky organic. They’re both peanut butter … one’s just a lot more funky (and chunky!). To stretch the peanut butter metaphor, Seattle’s label would list all the preservatives, while Portland’s label would have an 800 number to call if you find a severed finger … with a zen prayer to say before disposing of it. Not only is Jif a staple of my diet, but I curse the Costco brass every time I walk by the aisle and see that Skippy is now the spread du jour. It’s just not the same.