I’ve got four things already wrong with me: a backache, an infected ingrown toenail, a cold sore (no, not herpes!), and let’s see, what was the fourth? I don’t remem—oh yes, chapped hands. FOUR THINGS to deal with, and now I’ve gotta deal with Rainer Maria??

Phoo. Fuh.

Rainer Maria is nice little boys ‘n’ girls music. For nice little boys ‘n’ girls. By nice little boys ‘n’ girls. Nicely done, nicely packaged, nicely.

What have I got against nice little boys ‘n’ girls doing nicely, nicely?

Nothing.

I just wish they would go play Trivial Pursuit or make portabello omelets or read a fucking yuppie novel or do the crossword.

And leave rock-roll to dumb, stupid, slimy a-holes without an original thought or an honest feeling or. . . .

Wait—do I actually, truly feel this way?

No . . . not even close.

So why on earth did I say I did?

None o’ yer business.

Rainer Maria plays Graceland at 9 p.m. Wed., Nov. 27. $10 adv.