Red Elvises

1956what are the TWO PRINCIPLES of urgent note for White America?

Elvis. The terrible Commies. Slam them 2-gether in ’03: hybrids so crass, so back-dated are the grooviest, the kookiest, the ookiest.

Elvis kitsch from (izzit true?) Siberia. The hype says Siberia. Red Elvises!

Let us HOPE they don’t do “Viva Las Vegas”’cause it’s a very stupid, very lame songand if you’re gonna do that bullshit, better t’ go for the literal JUGULAR with “Do the Clam.”

Did you know “Do the Clam” was written by Edward D. Wood’s first wife, or common-law wife or whatever she was (broad w/ the angora sweater in Glen or Glenda?), Delores Fuller? I bring this up because Peter Guralnick’s “well-respected” piece-o-shit Elvis bio mentions neither Delores nor Ed. (Fuckin’ believe it.)

History.

Chronology.

Actuality. What has Elvis given the world that has any current resonance besides 10 or 11 really hot early songs that’re still pretty viable (hot songs!) and genes-made-flesh that briefly rubbed against Michael Jackson? I’m not forgetting how he saved the Caucasian world’s ass from ’55 to ’57, sayI’m more concerned with how he THREW IT ALL AWAY. ‘Cause he did, y’knowin the cheeziest possible wayso like fuck him.

The uses and abuses of Elvis! This is a PROPER use of Elvis.

Red Elvises play the Swiss Pub in Tacoma at 9 p.m. Fri., May 30 and the Sunset Tavern at 9:30 p.m. Sat., May 31. $10


info@seattleweekly.com