Name Withheld of Renton writes: “Recently, quite by accident, I came upon samples of your writing at the Addicted to Noise Web site and found myself wondering, Why would a none-too-shabby cat like the Meltz, a known quantity for umpteen years, write for such a cheezy outpost of ‘Net nuthing? I can’t imagine the pay is very much, so please tell uswhy do you waste your chops on these sleazepuffs?

“Actually, it was hardly by chance that I checked out Addicted. I am an addicted personality, or so I’m told, and number among my habits single-malt scotch, smack, money, ginch, classic rock, folk rock, garage rock, alternative rock, and rockabilly. What I ask of you is simple: I need, whoa!, I crave something new to feed my rock jones, something that will hook me with barbs and not let go. Gimme, gimme!”

First of all, N.W., the Addicted to Noise shit is all seven/eight years oldI’m surprised they’re still running it. The pay was a joke (twunny-fi’ dollars a submission as I ‘member it). Must’ve been my own sick addiction at work: a nasty habit of writing for sleazepuffs.

Ginch? Rock jones? (Are you sure you don’t mean Rocky Jones, Space Ranger?)

But OK, OK, I can see you’re truly needy, so I’ll lay a band on you and call this scuzzy bizness done: Lagwagon.

Lagwagon play the Northgate Theatre at 8 p.m. Fri., May 23 with Yellowcard, Hagfish, and the Enemies. $13 adv.