I didn’t go to Doe Bay Fest this year. I’M SORRY. I had stuff to do. But if there’s one thing I’ve learned during my career as a semi-pro concert reviewer, it’s that “not going” to something should in no way stop you from pretending to be an expert on it. Enter: my good friend Lisa. Lisa WENT to Doe Bay Fest, and took pictures to prove it. What follows are the pictures she took at the real festival, coupled with the captions I made up on my real couch. Enjoy! All photos courtesy of Lisa PodmajerskiFestival bracelets this year were 100% biodegradable; hand-woven entirely from the beard hair vacuumed from the yurts after DBF 2011.The Head and the Heart’s Josiah Johnson kicks back in the luxurious V.I.P. section. Backstage perks this year included complimentary trucker hat-weaving workshops, and free “chill.”An awkward moment came when Motopony’s evening yoga session was cut short by a gang of bandits armed with instruments and amplifiers who forced the band to play Willie Nelson covers in exchange for their freedom.”Okay, seriously, fuck Willie Nelson right now.”Lemolo vocalist Meagan Grandall shrieks in pain after suffering a vicious gray squirrel bite to the ankle.Jessica Dobson of Deep Sea Diver: “Did the guy on the bike stop pedaling? The power to my amp just cut out.””Totally my bad.” -Guy on bikeWavves playing the “Wake Stage.”Deep Sea Diver playing the “Underwater Stage.”Editorial note: As a lifelong tinker, I’m seriously offended that I can’t bunk up with my five favorite friends–a tinker tradition–and play “Who’s Boot’s On My Foot?” And what do they have against hot dogs?”I was told this festival was in the ‘Bay Area.'”These two gentlemen were seen adding “Doe Bay Fest” to their Linkedin profiles upon completion of their “set.”A crowd waits anxiously for festival organizers to restock the banjo and hammock kiosk.By the time the Others infiltrated the festival, they were too drunk to reclaim their island.Thanks ladies!