Duff McKagan’s column runs every Thursday on Reverb.I’ve recently noticed some things in the media and TV that have me asking myself one simple question: who fucking cares?! Miss USA and Perez Hilton. The Apprentice, Kim Kardashian, Mariah Carey, Brad and Angelina, Jen and John…ugh.The girl from La Jolla who recently caused an uproar during the Miss USA Pageant. Apparently Perez Hilton, one of the judges, asked Miss California what she thought of gay marriage. First of all, it’s such a predictable setup, with the outwardly gay guy asking the vocal Christian girl her thoughts on same-sex marriage. Of course she will toe the party line and say that she believes that marriage should only be between a man and a woman. Of course Perez will feign shock and disbelief. Of course every major network will feature this story and unearth nude or scantily clad pictures of Miss La Jolla. Of course, of course, of course… the shit sells. The result? Perez becomes a bigger celebrity, and the Miss USA Pageant makes much-needed headlines. The new Miss USA will be a HUGE celebrity, no doubt selling tons of future copies of US and Star magazines. She will be in demand and garner big-money appearance fees (of which Donald Trump, as the head of the Miss USA Pageant, will get the lion’s share). Everyone wins. Did anyone think this was a spontaneous occurrence? The only real losers are those fighting for same-sex marriage issues in our courts. This whole deal has cast a Christian-right light on this thing–those in political office may be afraid to do battle because of their constituency. A shame for sure.The Kardashian show is one that I actually may cut a little slack, if not only for the reason that we all know it is scripted. I mean, there is no way that any of you readers would actually take a cue from this show and break up with a girlfriend or boyfriend via text on a BlackBerry, right? It is a con job how badly they treat their mom on the show, right? The zany antics on that show, while they do sort of personify the materialism that just soaks L.A. culture, are just prewritten drama-makers. You guys DO know it IS scripted… RIGHT?I was listening to BJ’s morning show on KISW this week, and heard him just RANTING about the wrongs that were done on the finale of The Apprentice. BJ is a very deep and extremely intelligent man, so I assume he was kind of “putting it on” for the sake of his listeners. Maybe I am wrong or maybe I am right. The point is, even if he is just playing to the crowd, it’s apparent that the crowd must be interested or he wouldn’t be playing it up so much. Hey wait…The Apprentice is another Donald Trump show! What the hell is going on?!As I write this piece, I am sitting here at the airport waiting for another flight (I fly a LOT). I suppose a guilty pleasure of mine sits right there in Hudson Booksellers’ magazine racks under “Entertainment.” At least every other week (if not oftener), either Brad and Jen are getting back together, Brad and Angelina are breaking up, Jen is adopting or pregnant, or Angelina is getting a new tattoo. Good stuff. There has got to be an almost voyeuristic pleasure or thrill for the mainstream consumer to get these rags by the absolute truckloads. Hey, I am guilty myself of peeking once in a while at this stuff. The “They Are Just Like Us” section in Star is fucking hilarious to me. Really? They go grocery shopping … just like us? Change diapers? Pick their noses? I think it would be killer if they caught some celebrity masturbating. It would read “They rub one out … just like us!” So endearing, really.In the UK, they have a type of newspaper nicknamed “red tops” for the red border that adorns them. Papers like The Sun and The Daily Mirror don’t even really pretend to be telling much of the truth. Oh, there ARE real and factual financial, political, and world-affairs stories within their pages, but they’re not until waaay back in the middle of the paper somewhere. What kicks ass, too, is that all these papers (except the Times of London, really) have nude “Page 3 girls” to go with your morning coffee or tea. I say Seattle Weekly should try this. What say you?I was pretty bummed out last year when CNN Headline News decided to air their “celebrity news” hour at the exact time I usually tune in to catch up with the latest actual world and national news. Sure, on the East Coast, it comes on at 11 a.m. (a sort of news “dead zone”), but us West Coast people get it at 8 a.m.–right when you just want to get caught up on shit and then get out the door. I guess entertainment news IS big news nowadays. Blah.I know that my column IS for the most part an entertainment read, not based on primary sources and often devoid of fact. Oh, wait. Yeah, maybe from now on I should start writing about the Octomom, weight-loss summer-body tips, and “Who Wore It Better?”