War Can Be Delicious!Pittsburgh’s food scene has always interested me. I mean, to start, you know when people say something like, “This isn’t a city, but a collection of X neighborhoods just pretending to be a city?” Yeah, well Pittsburgh actually is that way. From what I understand, the folks there are even more reluctant to cross bridges or tunnels or to leave their little personal enclaves than Seattleites are. They do good Polish food there, excellent Italian food, Ukranian, Serbian and Lithuanian food. There’s the delis in Squirrel Hill and enough chipped ham for everyone.But really, it’s the small, strange details that really give a place (and a scene) character. And now, Pittsburgh has this: Conflict Kitchen, a restaurant (well, a hole-in-the-wall, really–a literal hole in a wall) that serves, on a rotating basis, only foods from places where the U.S. is currently having a war. Or maybe threatening to have a war, considering that it opened and is going through its first iteration as an Iranian restaurant and, unless I missed something on CNN this morning, I don’t believe we are currently in a shooting war with Iran.Yet.Kubideh Kitchen (which is what the place is calling itself for the time being) is almost as much an art space as a restaurant, with only one food item on the menu (Iranian kubideh in barbari bread with onion, mint, and basil) but plenty of other stuff going on behind the scenes. This is how the place describes itself:”Welcome to Conflict Kitchen’s first iteration, Kubideh Kitchen. Conflict Kitchen is a take-out restaurant that only serves cuisine from countries that the United States is in conflict with. The food is served out of a take-out style storefront, which will rotate identities every 4 months to highlight another country. Each Conflict Kitchen iteration will be augmented by events, performances, and discussion about the the culture, politics, and issues at stake with each county we focus on.Kubideh Kitchen is an Iranian take-out restaurant that serves kubideh in freshly baked barbari bread with onion, mint, and basil. Developed in collaboration with members of the Pittsburgh Iranian community, the sandwich is packaged in a custom-designed wrapper that includes interviews with Iranians both in Pittsburgh and Iran on subjects ranging from Iranian food and poetry to the current political turmoil.”Mmm… Because nothing tastes better with a nice, hot sandwich than…poetry.Conflict Kitchen is operating in conjunction with another totally weird Pittsburgh operation, the Waffle Shop: a restaurant which, among other things, produces its own live talk show, has a storytelling billboard on the roof, engages customers in “dialogue, experimentation and the co-production of culture,” and, one presumes, actually serves a waffle or two in between poetry slams, basoon concerts and performance art showcases.Or maybe not. I don’t know.Still, I immediately fell for the idea of a restaurant serving conflict cuisine. I mean, I love Afghan food and Middle Eastern cuisine. Korean (cold wars count) grub is excellent. And let’s face it–if it wasn’t for the French galavanting all over the world during their colonial period, landing on distant shores with guns in one hand and chef’s knives in the other, we wouldn’t have half of the great stuff to eat that we do today.But because I am never satisfied with a merely provocative notion until it crosses the line into true ridiculousness, I have a few suggestions for the good folks at Conflict Kitchen for upcoming iterations. To start…Panamanian Kitchen: We’ve had a war on drugs going for decades now, so why not go after the lucrative empanada and carimanola market while educating people on the dangers of the South American drug trade? Or, just cut right to the chase and start serving weed through your little hole.Mattress Man Sandwiches: I love those commercials where some sweaty fat man with a handi-cam and some low-rent video editing software declares war on high mattress prices. I don’t know what you’d serve, exactly, but I’ll leave that to the creative types.Gestalt Kitchen: The food of the culture wars–barbecue cooked by Southern Baptists versus Tibetan momo served by Buddhist monks, fried chicken and potato salad from the Midwest fatties versus bottled water and nose-candy served by Manhattan supermodels, giant salami sandwiches made by Armandino at Salumi versus sprout-and-tofu salads assembled by Jonathan Safran Foer. This could go on for years.Polar Bear Pierogis: Celebrating the war on global warming, of course. I mean, if the polar bears are all dying anyway…Or, Conflict Kitchen could get historical. How about mutton sandwiches and mead to celebrate the 100 Years’ War? Shirley Temples and saffron rice in remembrance of the invasion of Grenada (because of the grenadine, get it?)? Or they could educate their customers on wars that might someday happen. But what would you serve that would be indicative of the war against the Terminators?Anyway, if you’ve got any suggestions for other great war food, add ’em below. And if any of you chefs out there are looking for a new way to both feed people AND engage their social consciences, I think this kind of thing would do very well in Seattle. Considering that folks here will protest pretty much anything at the drop of a hat (especially people pissed off about hat-dropping), it seems like a good business model. And as you well know, protesting is hungry business, so…