I actually find it kind of difficult to get angry over the fact that, owing to the way Washington’s liquor laws are structured, we’re all going to miss out on the free beer being handed out to the thirsty and poverty-stricken all across the country on September 29, during the Anheuser-Busch National Happy Hour. See, in this state, no one can give away booze for advertising purposes. But the reason I’m not so upset is that the free barley pop in question is Budweiser, and frankly, I can live without 12 ounces of free Bud.

Budweiser’s situation, though, was only one of the stories we tracked last week on Voracious. We discussed the new urban-farming rules taking effect in Seattle this week, which allow for brave urban pioneers to farm up to 4,000 square feet on their property, plant community gardens, and keep up to eight chickens, a pig, and four pygmy goats. We talked about late-night slices and 40s of beer at Big Mario’s (1009 E. Pike St.); the announcement that the next Dick’s Drive-In will be built in or around Everett (over the strident objections of those in West Seattle who really, really wanted some Dick’s of their own); and turned the Seattle Food Geek loose on PolyScience’s new Sous Vide Professional heating immersion circulator. And yes, that is exactly as geeky as it sounds.

Kicking off a new weekly feature called “Food Pairings for the Modern Sophisticate,” I discussed the dozen best foods to eat while stoned. Perhaps unsurprisingly, Taco Bell, McDonald’s, pudding, and candy corn all ranked pretty high on the list. And while I was doing that, GQ magazine, in a bold attempt to outclass me, was putting together a list of its own: the 25 best cocktail bars in America. The Zig Zag Café (1501 Western Ave.) got tagged as the best in the entire freaking country (deservedly so). Not to be outdone, though, Needle and Thread—the “speakeasy” positioned above Tavern Law’s normal, ground-level bar—also made the list at number 25, giving the Emerald City two reasons to brag.

For those of slightly more pedestrian appetites, Julien Perry sniffed out Seattle’s Top 5 heart attacks on a plate, a list which included Danger Fries at The Swinery and the loaded fry bread at the Cheeky Cafe. Finally, congratulations are due to Andrew Chapman of The Keeper, who won our first-ever Voracious-sponsored competitive-eating showdown: a Beard Papa’s cream-puff munch-off for bearded rock stars, held Thursday, Sept. 23 at the Little Red Hen (7115 Woodlawn Ave. N.E.). Chapman managed to put away nine puffs in just five minutes to take the crown. Want to see pictures? Check them out online here.