My little brother is, among other things, a sommelier. For all the years I spent in the back of the house getting grubby with the cooks, he spent a nearly equal amount in the front, dressed in a white shirt, black pants, and a tie, spouting off inane bullshit to customers who couldn’t have told a barbera from a cabernet without flash cards. Sure, there were some nights when someone would come in to his orbit who actually knew something about wine and could order off the list intelligently and without embarrassing themselves, but he would be the first to say that most of his customers–probably 98% of them–knew so little (or only imagined they knew so much) that he could say virtually anything about virtually any bottle with no fear of ever being caught out in a lie.”If I tell them it’s going to taste like aged oak and cinnamon with hints of lavender and wild cherry, that’s what they’re going to taste,” he would say. “And I could be pouring them a fucking glass of root beer and they wouldn’t know the difference.”Now granted, he was a bit jaded when it came to the service industry. And the surly little mutt really did know quite a bit about wine (more, certainly, than I will ever know). But I used to love watching him work a table when he was on the job–leaning close, smiling conspiratorially, and telling some mob of soccer moms about this beautiful bottle of Gewurztraminer he’d just gotten in, all crisp and fruity, with notes of cassis and ripe apple. A steal at $55, of course. But better by the glass at just $9.They would go for it. And he would immediately retreat to the bar and have the tender pour out six glasses of boxed chardonnay, laughing all the while.Well now, there’s a website that’s just perfect for jerks like him. It’s called the “Tasting Note Generator” (thanks to eater.com and Eric Asimov for the heads-up), and what it does is very simple. Click on the button and it spits out a perfectly suitable (or perfectly ridiculous) tasting note with which to amaze your customers and stupefy wine nerds.Some examples:”Crisp but equally wicked Rose. Whispers of licorice, longingly elegant pepper, and bashful pear. Drink now through 2010.””Astounding Dessert wine. Reminds one of seedless watermelon, American-oaked herbs, and a modicum of fir. Drink now through Christmas.”The widget also has an option where it’ll spit out ridiculous lines like “Remarkable almost smoked Gewurztraminer. Whispers of frosted pop-tart, corpulent lamb shank and traces of fig newton” or “Raw but supple Gamay. Aromas of poi, meandering pork rind and perceptable cheap gin. Drink now through Tuesday.”I’ve been playing with the thing now for most of the day, and feel like I’m almost ready to put on the white shirt myself and start pushing boxes of Franzia.Follow Voracious on Twitter and Facebook.