Dear God: Blag Dahlia here from scum-punkers the Dwarves. We’ve been around 20-some years and I’m getting a little older now, so there’s a few things I think I need to get square with you. I’m sorry for putting blood-splattered naked women and a midget holding a dead rabbit on the cover of our Blood Guts & Pussy album. I’m sorry for faking the death of our guitar player and having Sub Pop hold an actual memorial service, only to kick us off the label when they found out the truth. I’m sorry for writing these lyrics: “Eyeballs for breakfast/Jack off for lunch/I’d like you better if you had a fuckin’ cunt/Let’s fuck, let’s fuck/I’m made of rubber/You’re made of glue/I wanna stick my fucking cock inside of you” in a song about underage sex. I’m sorry for crucifying a midget, and surrounding him with three weeping naked chicks, on the cover of The Dwarves Must Die. I’m sorry for putting on scary and completely degenerate concerts. I’m sorry for being as offensive as G.G. Allin. Actually, who am I kidding? I’m not sorry at all! I know I’m going to hell, so fuck you! Love, Blag

Sat., Jan. 10, 8 p.m., 2009