Substitute Advil for steroids, and the Champions Cup is something like professional wrestling. They might talk a little trash about who’s the slowest, fattest, or baldest, but Pete Sampras, John McEnroe, Jim Courier, and Michael Chang (the latter now a Mercer Island resident) are long past the point of real rivalry. (Another reason for the good feelings? No Jimmy Connors.) With nearly two-dozen majors among them, these four can afford to relax, poke fun at awkward shots, and extend their rallies for the sake of showmanship. (In fact, it’s expected: no one will be paying tonight to see short points.) The matches will be highly abbreviated, of course, to accommodate creaky knees and diminished lungs. Here’s hoping they’ll be mic’d, since all Seattle fans will be waiting for McEnroe—now the sport’s best TV commentator—to contest a close line call. All together now: “You cannot be…” BRIAN MILLER

Thu., Oct. 13, 7:30 p.m., 2011