This Week’s Horoscopes

Pisces (Feb. 19–March 20)

If someone invented a way to erase memories selectively, Pisceans would be the last people to try it. If you ever found out you’d had the procedure, you’d go absolutely nuts trying to rediscover what you’d lost and why you’d ditched it. Admit it: You wouldn’t be able to let it go. Stop trying to abandon or forget the stuff that’s happened to you. If you ever succeeded, it would suddenly be your primary goal to get it back. Quit expending energy trying to ditch the shit that’s dragging you down. Instead, try to figure out how to pick it up and run with it.

Aries (March 21–April 19)

Arborsculpture is the art of manipulating saplings to grow into certain shapes. It takes years for the trees to acquire their intended forms. Some Rams have a very hard time sticking with projects that take longer than they could conceivably go without food. Unfortunately, what you can accomplish in such a tiny time frame is necessarily limited. This week, work on expanding it. That will probably involve figuring out a new way to operate, one that will help you sustain momentum indefinitely, instead of only as long as your (admittedly impressive) willpower holds out.

Taurus (April 20–May 20)

You’ve heard the saying “People in glass houses shouldn’t throw stones,” and yet here you are, lobbing rocks, rotten tomatoes, and some very harsh words around as if you have nothing to fear in your crystal castle. Maybe you’re betting that others will be more forgiving and less confrontational than you. I wouldn’t take that bet if I were you. It’s already too late to take back all the windows you shattered, but you can still mitigate any potential retaliation with some intensive damage control. Put down the projectiles and start picking up the pieces instead.

Gemini (May 21–June 20)

How many locks does your front door really need? It’s not as though you’ve got to repel nightly attacks by persistent, brain-seeking zombies scratching to get in. One lock should do the trick—more will just make you seem paranoid and faintly ridiculous. There’s at least one person you’d really like to come in who won’t wait for you to get 12 bolts, chains, and bars undone. They don’t want to come into a fortress; anyone who needs to be that guarded isn’t the right person for them. Make sure you can get that door open quickly, at their first timid knock; there’s not likely to be a second.

Cancer (June 21–July 22)

Don’t pretend to be something you’re not. Any relationship founded on that premise is doomed to failure. I understand the temptation—the person you’re interested in (or already involved with) is captivated by Quality X, something you don’t necessarily have much of. Pretending to have it might fool someone for a while, but it’s a guaranteed bust that will screw both of you over. Could Quality X become a vital, integral part of who you actually are, though? More important, do you want it to? You’ll be stuck with it even if this person doesn’t stick around. If your answer to both questions is a resounding yes, by all means go for it. If not, you’re better off calling it quits now. Every masquerade ball must end, and your mask is likely to get ripped off very, very soon.

Leo (July 23–Aug. 22)

I’m ready for spring, so I’m blasting the heat and dancing around in my underwear. It’s my own version of weather therapy. You should try it. Some things in your life are as outside your immediate control as the climate. However, instead of feeling bitter that you can’t have what you want (at least not yet), create for yourself the next best thing. It should be more than enough to tide you over. Being barely content is OK, especially if it’s just temporary. Bitterness never suits a Leo, though, so do what you have to to make sure you never suffer it.

Virgo (Aug. 23–Sept. 22)

Where does your food come from? Do you know? Most people don’t, and don’t even think about that. Isn’t that weird? You’d think we’d want to know where the hell the stuff we put in our mouths actually came from, and how it got to us. Yet somehow we’re used to not knowing or caring. I believe it’s important for us all to feel more connected to what supports us, but especially for you Virgos. The best-case scenario is you actually getting your hands in the dirt and growing some of your own food. Failing that, at least try to figure out where some of it comes from and how it got from there to your kitchen. It sounds mundane, but that kind of knowledge is good for your soul.

Libra (Sept. 23–Oct. 22)

“Don’t get your hopes up,” people say, as if disappointment were the worst fate imaginable. It’s not, though. You get over it, and hoping for something and not getting it is still better than giving up without even trying. That, although it might hurt less at the time, still has a far more negative impact on your life overall—because only some of those seemingly inevitable disappointments and failures actually play out that way. When you go for it, you end up surprising yourself and getting what you want much oftener than you’d guess. So go on—get your hopes up and keep them there.

Scorpio (Oct. 23–Nov. 21)

Stop looking for inspiration and start providing it. You’re your own best muse right now. Be the hero you seek, and cease trying to get other people to live up to your terrifying standards or step up to virtually impossible challenges. The truth is, you’re the only person you know who’d actually be able to come close to the ideal you’ve got in mind right now. I’m sure that’s a little bit of a disappointment—it would’ve been great to have someone to look up to and emulate. But being that person is not only simply possible for you right now—it’s your calling.

Sagittarius (Nov. 22–Dec. 21)

What you’re doing right now is the equivalent of an alcoholic trying to concentrate while there’s a glass of their favorite poison sitting right in front of them, or a dieter chewing on celery while staring at (and smelling) dessert. How much willpower do you think you have? And why are you making things so hard on yourself? Take temptation out of the equation as much as possible. This is about actually entering a new chapter, not testing how far you’ll stretch before you snap and give in. While it’s good to check your limits periodically, this is not the time. In the name of getting shit done, make things easy on yourself right now.

Capricorn (Dec. 22–Jan. 19)

Babies keep their own rhythms, which aren’t necessarily especially suited to your personal schedule. They’ll keep you up at night, and demand your time and energy regardless of your personal convenience. Some people get to that point, too, when they have an overinflated sense of entitlement. You can’t blame a baby for his needy demands, but an adult who acts like that needs to be put in his place. You’re in a position to impart some of this kind of wisdom this week. It might take guts to do something like that, but you’ve got those. Don’t shirk your duty. It’s time for this particular baby to grow up.

Aquarius (Jan. 20–Feb. 18)

Excluding all the unhealthy shortcuts, like drugs and surgery, there are two ways to lose weight: Eat less or exercise more (ideally, a little of both). Shortcuts to that particular goal rarely end well, if they ever do—it’s one of those things best achieved by a lifestyle overhaul. This week is bound to present you with all kinds of temptations to take the fast and dirty path. It might indeed get you there, but it’s very slippery. You’re quite likely to fall along the way, and backslide once you get there. If you’re really serious about spending any kind of serious time at your destination, I’d take your time getting there, too.