DEAR PET LADY,

Recently I received a Chinese Pug for my birthday as a gift from my boyfriend. We have lots of fun with “Kirby,” but lately my boyfriend has been asking me to dress Kirby up in little outfits. He tells me this is one of the original pastimes pugs were bred for—kind of playthings, dress-up dolls for royalty? Have you heard this to be true, Pet Lady? It makes me a little uncomfortable, but the dog doesn’t seem to mind. Am I just being narrow-minded? Or is this perfectly normal?

Confused in Des Moines

DEAR CONFUSED IOWAN,

The Pet Lady has been made more than a little uncomfortable by your letter and photo, Confused; the Pet Lady is disturbed. The Pet Lady addressed this issue of the garbing of pets recently [The Pet Lady, March 29, 2001—Ed.]; as she recalls, though, that was a case of a guileless, sweet little girl dressing up her fur friend as an extra for a production of Peter Pan, which is forgivable as no animals were harmed and it was for the sake of Art. Mature adults ought to know better, as well as have more interesting pastimes. As for royalty, in days of yore they chopped off people’s heads; do we commit such acts of inhumane barbarism today? Only on a governmental level, and lord knows, that is no guarantee of moral rectitude. “Kirby” doesn’t seem to mind, but who knows what excruciations of humiliation he or she is suffering in his or her little fur head? Again, the Pet Lady must ask, wherefore pet dignity?

Perfectly normal is relative, dear Confused, but the Pet Lady would direct your attention to the grin on your handsome beau’s face as he holds a small, warm, sweet (presumably, though pugs tend to breathe overly loudly) little creature in his arms. Must the Pet Lady spell it out for you? What you people want is a B-A-B-Y, a human one that can be dressed up to your hearts’ content without discomfiture on anyone’s part. If you all are not at a station in life to start a petite famille, the Pet Lady suggests that there are better ways to practice than dressing up poor Kirby.

Best to you lovebirds,

The Pet Lady

Send a photo of your “little baby” to the Pet Lady. E-mail thepetlady@seattleweekly.com or send by land to The Pet Lady, c/o Seattle Weekly, 1008 Western, Ste 300, Seattle, WA 98104.