Dear Dategirl,
Judy, how can a beautiful woman meet single men? So far they all run away from me. I am very young at heart, and most people when they meet me think my son is my boyfriend or husband. They are totally shocked when I tell them how old I am. I met a guy in 2006, and for the first time in my life fell in love. He ran too. I still care very deeply for him, but I have people who claim to be friends working against me.
What can I do? I just turned 50. So far the guys I have met are young enough to be my kids, and this is not a comfortable thing for me. Please let me know what you think. I really wish that people were not jealous and vindictive. I am not that type of person and I do not expect others to act that way.
Thanks for listening.
—Too Pretty 4 My Own Good
Wow, sister, did you come to the right place! Your average ugly person just doesn’t realize how difficult life is for us totally fucking beautiful stunning fox types. It’s not easy always being the center of attention…being the girl every man wants to get into bed and every other woman wants to either be or beat up.
I feel your pain. Deeply.
OK, not really. Being blessed with average looks, I’ve never had the problem of men running from me because I’m “too beautiful.” I have had men tell me they weren’t attracted to me, though. Does that count? That I should lose some weight. That I should quit being such a potty mouth, and laugh at their jokes instead of telling my own. And yet over the years I’ve also found men who thought I was cute, liked my belly roll, and laughed hysterically at my jokes. It’s a numbers game.
So I’m thinking that maybe—just maybe—the problem isn’t your breathtaking beauty that’s causing men to flee. Because according to my research, being gorgeous is actually quite the asset.
Various studies (by actual scientists) have shown that good-looking people earn three to eight percent more than average-looking people and eight to 18 percent more than the downright fugly. Dr. Gordon Patzer, who has spent 30 years studying the effects of physical attractiveness, found that people are hard-wired to respond more favorably to hotties. (He didn’t actually use the word “hottie,” but I know that’s what he meant.) He said the foxy are “generally judged to be more talented, kind, honest, and intelligent.”
Could it be perhaps that your outside is fine and it’s the inside that’s screwy? You mention friends “working against you.” And others who are “jealous and vindictive.” Hmmm. These words are what we in the advice biz categorize as “red flags.” Why would anyone want you to be unhappy? Why are people conspiring against you? It’s always hard to see the entire picture from one e-mail, but it seems obvious that there’s something you’re not telling me. Because the fact is most people aren’t jealous and vindictive—they’re actually pretty nice.
I was once close to a very beautiful woman who felt very much as you do. She had no other female friends because, she assured me, they were all insanely jealous of her. That she flirted with their boyfriends and husbands had nothing to do with it, I’m sure. Ahem.
I’m not saying that’s the case with you. For all I know you’re an innocent victim in some brand-new top-secret conspiracy against the freakishly foxy. But maybe it’s time to take a long hard look at yourself. Not in the mirror—more of a soul-searching inventory.
Then start smiling and being nice. If that doesn’t work, put on a pair of thick glasses—that always works to ugly up the broads in the movies.
