Dear Pet Lady,

Our Jack Russell terrier, while normally well behaved, goes berserk before being taken on a walk. He runs around frantically barking, yelping, and biting at the doorknob. Chocolate doesn’t seem to help. What can we do?

Terrier Hair

Dear Tearing Hair,

The Pet Lady fails to see how your chinchilla, Louis, could be getting into the liquor cabinet and would like to delicately suggest that as we come to resemble our pets in matters of sad eyes or bald pates, so we also project our own follies onto them. Mayhaps it is you lurking in the night, draining the gin dry? You point out that you live alone; so far as the Pet Lady knows, chinchillas are not big tipplers, their main attribute being fur of an unspeakable softness. With regards to Louis making repeated, costly calls to 900 numbers in the wee hours, well, friend, a chinchilla would have difficulty dialing a rotary phone. The Pet Lady empathizes but must say that it sounds as if you and Louis could use a restful holiday in a nice dry climate.

The Pet Lady

Pets: problem with your owner? E-mail thepetlady@seattleweekly.com or send a paw print to: The Pet Lady, c/o Seattle Weekly, 1008 Western, Ste. 300, Seattle, WA 98104.