“Too Tight to Tell” Is the New “Too Close to Call”

When the first precincts of a given state report their results in the interminable Democratic primary, the only reliable thing is the headline that appears on Web sites and across election graphics: "Too Close to Call." It's a phrase that shows up repeatedly, but doesn't have any kind of mathematical rigor determining when the words go into effect. It's really just a proactive-sounding way of saying, "We have no idea."

Seeing as how those of us in the news reporting industry, whether talking heads or printed paper, are wordsmiths by trade, doesn't it seem odd we haven't managed to come up with more cute, alliterative turns of phrase to let the viewers at home know that things are tight and we're not going to guess because it is possible we'll get it wrong?

Here are a few fresh phrases to get the ball rolling:

•Too Tight to Tell

•Too Narrow to Note

•Too Deadlocked to Declare

•Too Slim to Squeal

•Too Even to Extrapolate

•Too Head-to-Head to Hypothesize

•Too Analogous to Assert

•Too Parallel to Postulate

•Too Rivaling to Reckon

•We're Writers—Why the Hell Are You Looking to Us for Statistical Insight?