Bland Food, and Weak Punchlines About Nurse Sex

The dim lighting, hushed voices, and expensive menu at the Icon Grill worked in sweet harmony to raise my hopes about its happy hour (4–6 p.m. daily in the lounge)—and then dash them utterly. There was nothing particularly wrong with Icon's food, but like the clientele, it was white and bland. The most interesting character was the doctor who accidentally told the whole room about his nurse-screwing colleague. Sitting at the table next to mine, he leaned conspiratorially toward his female companion to share, then concluded with an awful punch line—"Yes," he said, "she sure loves working under him"—before leaning back and grinning proudly at his own wit. The food was of similar entertainment value–one or two hits, then one big shrug. The hits: the tasty grilled wild-mushroom pizza ($5.98) and the yellow-pepper soup ($3.48). Icon's famous fried macaroni and cheese ($5.48 for a "big plate") is as disturbing as you'd expect it to be. I couldn't handle more than one nugget, especially when combined with the oily cheese dipping sauce. Wild Pacific salmon cakes ($5.98) were in desperate need of some seasoning, the avocado chicken burger ($5.98) tasted more like charcoal than either avocado or chicken, and there were no discernible traces of Gruyère in the artichoke and Gruyère dip ($4.98). The drinks, however, were fantastic. Glasses of wine cost $6, well drinks $5, and draft beers $4. The Zephyrtini ($5.50, like all cocktails), which mixed champagne with Chambord and Absolut Citron, was my favorite. Bottom line: Go for the cocktails and the gossip, and grab dinner somewhere else.