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This Week's Horoscope

By Caeriel Crestin

November 7, 2007

Scorpio (Oct. 23–Nov. 21)

Some months back, I decided I was bored with my summer birthday and resolved to be a Scorpio this year. I chose your sign not only because I wish I were as sexy as all of you, but because I've always had tremendous respect for Scorpios—mostly because of your conviction, passion, and willingness to explore nearly every nook and cranny of your personality, no matter how extreme. Since then, though, I've encountered several Scorpios who were indecisive, lackluster, and afraid of their own shadows. That's right, some members of your hot little tribe aren't living up to the hype. You're not one of those, are you? Step it up, just in case.

Sagittarius (Nov. 22–Dec. 21)

This week, be a skunk. As you contemplate new defense mechanisms to protect you from the rough-and-tumble world, forgo anything like claws, venom, and spiky fur. Go for something essentially benign, yet just as effective. I'm not suggesting you skip showers for a week or three (though that might work, too). However, I do believe there are nonviolent, and possibly humorous, ways to keep at bay those you don't want around. This week, work on finding one of those. When those undesirables start walking swiftly in the other direction the second they spot you, you'll know you found it.

Capricorn (Dec. 22–Jan. 19)

We know you have staying power. But this week let's talk about the joy of quitting. I hope at some point you've experienced the euphoria of shrugging off the shackles of an oppressively bad job, and finally telling your crappy boss exactly what you think of him. Remember how you couldn't stop grinning like an idiot as you walked away? This week there's pleasure and benefit to be had in quitting something that's played a central role in your life for too long (if you haven't quit smoking and would like to, give it a try now). Don't be afraid of your attachments. Cutting free of them won't be a hardship. It'll be bliss.

Aquarius (Jan. 20–Feb. 18)

There are now more overweight people in the world than underweight people. There are, of course, still hungry people all over, but in general the world's population—even in developing nations—is fat and getting fatter. Cross-cultural trends (overwhelming consumption of high-calorie beverages, for example) are slathering pounds on people all over the world. Your own life's on this track, too. I'm not saying you need to lose weight, necessarily. I'm just pointing out that your bad habits (of thought and practice) are starting to outweigh your good ones. See if you can tip that balance back, before you break the scale.

Pisces (Feb. 19–March 20)

You're too hard on yourself. It's good to strive for positive changes in your life, but attempting to do so by making yourself feel guilty, obligated, or lame just won't work. Those strategies might do in a pinch, but to create lasting, beneficial changes in your life, you've got to come from a more positive place. Be gentle and encouraging with yourself, but firm. You know what's best for you, and what you've got to do. What's left is to quit dragging your feet and get it done. Be as supportive and positive with yourself as you can. You need all the encouragement you can get; even if it has to come from somewhere within you, that's better than nothing.

Aries (March 21–April 19)

Rams are vulnerable. Most people don't know that because you've got these big, curly metaphorical horns that you can use to bust some serious ass. Since on some levels you're so badass, some people overestimate your emotional toughness. Your skin's not as thick as they think it is, and you can be wounded by a lot of the shit that comes your way. Don't be afraid of your sensitivity. A tough guy or gal with a secretly warm, squishy heart is incredibly attractive. Let people know it's there, not just so they'll go easier on you, but hopefully so they'll get into bed with you, too.

Taurus (April 20–May 20)

You know that nest egg/emergency fund you've got squirreled away? Dip into it. You have the chance to dramatically improve your life right now. I know it's a risk, tapping into that cache for anything less than whatever it was intended for—and you must strictly forbid yourself from ever doing it again—but just this once it might be worth it. The way you live is too safe, anyway. Live it up a little, joyfully, firmly banishing guilt or anxiety. You'll be able to recoup the money you spent—and because of how you spent it, you'll have a lot more fun amassing it than you did the first time around.

Gemini (May 21–June 20)

Forget pre-emptive strikes. Breaking up with your lover before he or she dumps you or quitting your job before you get fired may seem like a good idea, but it's not. In this case, your paranoid fantasies about what you think will happen aren't entirely accurate. The conclusion you fear can still be prevented, and rushing toward it and making sure it'll happen is simply not the appropriate solution. Forget that self-defeating bullshit. This week, defy your cynicism and self-doubt and behave as if everything will work out beautifully, instead of willfully manifesting the worst-case scenario. Things might not work out, despite your best efforts—but at least you'll have allowed for the possibility.

Cancer (June 21–July 22)

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