Horoscopes

Capricorn (Dec. 22-Jan. 19)

All your minor aches and pains (or maybe one big hurt) have been eclipsing your potential enjoyment of life lately, but I'm happy to say that certain astrological influences are kicking in like a prescription painkiller this week to at least give you the freedom to move without any twinges from emotional arthritis. So rise up out of that wheelchair, throw away those crutches, and make your ancient soul boogie like you're 16 again. If you do it with enough enthusiasm and commitment, you probably won't need crutches of any kind once the astrological anesthetic wears off.

Aquarius (Jan. 20-Feb. 18)

OK, so only a few of the kindnesses you've been offered lately were free and clear of strings. So what? Sometimes accepting a favor incurs an obligation. Don't sorely resent the conditions applied to the beneficence bequeathed upon you. It's still generous and kind, even if ulterior motives lurk behind it. Hardly anything's unconditional. You know what's wrong with you? You've been spoiled by all the sweet munificence you were the recipient of last year, all unsullied by anything so tedious or rude as an expectation. Now it's back to the way things are a lot of the time, and it's not so bad: You give a little, you get a little.

Pisces (Feb. 19-March 20)

There's plenty of change jingling in your pocket, but your billfold is painfully slim these days. That is, you're heavily laden with tiny, almost meaningless blessings, but the big ones are coming few and far between. It might be time to tighten your belt and take pleasure in the little things for the next month or so. But there's no need to plunge into a Great Depression. You may not be lucky enough right now to find a $1,000 bill on the street, but I'm guessing that if you add up all the small change you've accumulated, it might equal at least a few hundred.

Aries (March 21-April 19)

I hate to say it, but your happiness may depend on how well you can kiss ass this week. Consider your options: You can sacrifice a little pride and pursue the admittedly political path and play nice; this route is short, sweet, and straight up to something you could call success. The other, perhaps more principled and definitely more ego-driven course is long and arduous, and not nearly a sure thing. I won't choose for you. Each direction has positive and negative facets. All I will say is if you're undecided about which of these options is the better one for you, make up your mind now, because the fork in the road is just ahead.

Taurus (April 20-May 20)

You think it's wise to wash your hands often and cover your mouth when you sneeze, to help prevent spreading the flu. So why do you balk at taking similar precautions when it comes to protecting yourself and others from bad ideas? You know what I'm talking about. There are some concepts, attitudes, or spiritual philosophies that are likely to make you unhappy, unproductive, and miserable, rather than benefit you in any way. They're like little mental viruses; they sneak in and sabotage your relationship, your work ethic, or your faith. Sure, you're probably robust enough to get over them, but why catch them in the first place?

Gemini (May 21-June 20)

Big changes are coming. In order to prepare for them, pretend you have a new roommate moving in. Clear out some space in the kitchen cabinets, a shelf in the fridge, and a handful of hangers in the hall closet. Literally do this. The exercise of making room, however slight, for another person will have several benefits: First of all, you can earn karmic credit by getting rid of some old crap and donating it to Goodwill. Secondly, your whole life will wind up more organized and streamlined. Lastly and most importantly, the process of making physical space in your house will help you find an extra room, or at least a niche, in your heart and soul for another person or two to move in, finally.

You're in for a hypersaturated week. This is what happens when you allow yourself to wake up and stop worrying for a while. Everything gets really colorful and vivid and intense, and you don't even have to take drugs. Enjoy your Technicolor life and quit, once and for all, letting anxiety dominate every second of your day. It's still going to be part of you, but let this week be about staking out some worry-free territory. I'm talking specifically about laying claim to your happiness and just enjoying it when it hits, rather than worrying about when it will go away. There are many reasons why this is a good idea, but the best one is simply this: You deserve to be unreservedly happy. Stop stopping yourself.

Leo (July 23-Aug. 22)

Because you're contending with your most compulsive urges (hey, relax; in this department, half the zodiac is worse than you), I urge you to force yourself to focus on things that are good for you, like salad, long walks, reading, or gift giving. Take them (instead of heroin abuse, binging on butter cookies, or one too many Jack and Cokes) to the extremes you're prone to lately. While too much of a good thing can also be bad, it's still rarely as awful as too much of a bad thing. For example, compulsive generosity may make you broke, but probably really, really happy, too.